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“But what do I do now? She refuses to get counseling and won’t talk to me.”
“I understand your frustration. You can’t force her into therapy. She has to want it.”
I didn’t need a shrink to tell me that.
“Tell me more about your relationship with Vanessa,” he said. “I remember your concerns about her addiction to plastic surgery.”
“She’s in counseling, as promised.”
“And how do you feel about that? Is it helping?”
I shrugged. “I guess. I mean, she still feels insecure now and then. But I can tell she’s attempting to change old habits.”
“That’s good news then,” Dr. Grey remarked. He took a sip from his steaming cup of tea and placed it back on the saucer. “And what about your sex life?”
“It’s a dishonest one.”
“How so?”
“I think about Aria every time I’m having sex with my wife.”
Straight to the point.
“How does that make you feel afterwards?” Grey continued his interrogation.
“Shitty. I feel guilty and emotionally detached. But I still show Vanessa affection. She doesn’t know what’s going on with me. I mask it well—I’m good at that.”
“Is Aria aware of your rekindled intimacy with your wife?”
“I’m not sure.”
I tried to explain the arrangement I had made with her—how I’d promised I wouldn’t sleep with Vanessa if she stopped seeing Ryan. All of that changed when Evan showed up, and things went further downhill when Aria’s hatred for Vanessa intensified after that fight three weeks ago. It caused a rift between me and her. We had stopped communicating, and she still continued to see Evan behind my back.
“… Eventually,” I said, “I considered our agreement void and slept with my wife again. I know it’s probably messed up. I feel like I’m betraying my daughter, but I’m married, and I know it’s wrong to feel this way. Believe me, Doc. I know I screwed up. I never should have gone as far as I did with Aria, but it happened. And now that I’m trying to undo that damage, I keep making it worse. The closer I get to my wife, the more my daughter withdraws from me. She’s been meeting up with Evan in secret.I know she’s lying to me, and she feels justified because she believes I’ve betrayed her.”
“Betrayed her as a father or a lover?” he questioned.
“A lover,” I shamefully admitted.
“When you and Aria had confessed your feelings, you stopped having sex with your wife, correct?”
“Yes.” Grey scribbled something on that damned yellow paper. It made me nervous.
“And you’ve recently been intimate again?” he reiterated.
“Yes.”
“How did you avoid sex without making Vanessa feel rejected or suspicious in the past?”
“I occupied myself with work and fell asleep in my study most nights. Vanessa often complained, but I usually told her I had a big case I was working on and that it would all be over soon.”
“Then these past three weeks have been mentally and emotionally taxing on you.”
I nodded.
“How come you waited so long to be intimate with your wife again?”
“Because… I think a part of me was hoping to patch things up with Aria.”
