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I felt sick to my stomach when he said that.
“But your relationship with Aria needs rehabilitating. Unfortunately, we live in a judgmental society. Everyone is trapped inside a ‘system’ and most of the population follows the rules. Disobeying those rules only shows antisocial behavior. However, that is not the case inside these walls of my practice. I specialize in exploring the gray areas of psychology with a blend of my own controversial ethics.”
Great. I’m a lab rat, I thought, dipping my hands in my pockets as I leaned against the wall.
“What are you most afraid of?” he asked.
“I’m scared she’ll leave me if I don’t give her what she wants.”
“Which is?”
“Sex. She wants me to sleep with her.”
“Is that whatyouwant?”
I stole a moment to think. “I find her insanely attractive—so, yes, I think about having sex with her—more than I should. But I would never take it that far. She’s tested me many times, yetI’ve always shown restraint. I know she’s eighteen now and can make her own choices, but in my mind, she’s still a teenager and naïve about a lot of things in life. She needs guidance, and I’m a terrible role model right now.” I sighed. “I’m scared she’ll hate and resent me later on if we do it.”
“Do what?” asked Grey.
“You know…it.”
“Define ‘it.’” He stared at me impassively.
“Is this amusing to you?” I frowned. “You know exactly what I mean!”
“I want you to say it out loud.”
“I’m scared she’ll hate me if I give in to her advances and have sex with her! There! Happy now?” I didn’t like losing my temper, but it was out of my control sometimes.
Dr. Grey blinked, sipping his tea.
“I should be stronger and resist our attraction,” I expressed. “She’s young and I’m her father. I should know better. It’s so damn hard to think rationally around her. It’s like she controls and manipulates my emotions, my every thought and action.” The guilt was exhausting.
“You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”
“Yep.”
“If Aria were older, would you sleep with her?”
“No. I don’t know.” I loosened my tie and took a deep breath. “Maybe… I mean, no!”
“Let’s try to imagine a little hypothetical scenario for a moment. Suppose you were single and were to engage in a sexual relationship with Aria. Where does that take you down the road?”
I would never leave her side. I would never hurt her. I would love her and be devoted to her until the day I die,I answered in my head.
“We would have to keep our relationship low profile,” I began. “No one could ever know about us. She won’t ever be able to introduce me to her friends as her boyfriend. We won’t be able to hold hands or kiss in public. An engagement proposal would be pointless because there’s no way we could get a marriage license.”
“You’ve entertained the prospects of marriage with your daughter?” Grey raised his eyebrows. “How interesting.”
“What? No, I just”—I scrambled to find the words—“I was considering all the hypothetical situations.”
“Go on,” he encouraged.
“We could never have a child together. I’m sure I could impregnate her, but I don’t want to, because the idea of bringing a genetically deformed child into this world scares the shit out of me. Excuse my language, Doc.”
“Speak freely, Noah.”
“I’m sixteen years older than her, and the more she blossoms into womanhood, the more I age into an ugly old man. It’s bad enough that I have Dorian Gray Syndrome.” I poked fun at myself. “Aria deserves to be with someone who is age appropriate and makes her happy.”
