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“I want J.J. to have what I never did,” he said. “A dedicated, loving father. She’s already suffered so much loss in her life. When her mom and I divorced, I thought about dating again. I was planning on it and maybe even starting a family. But it’s different when your child doesn’t have a mother anymore. You’re her whole world.”
Faith nodded. She got it. She understood completely. So why did he feel the need to keep explaining? Maybe he was trying to convince himself.
“Bringing a woman into your life risks J.J. being hurt,” she said. “You mentioned that at the airport. You said we’d make it clear to her from the start that I was just the nanny and that we were pretending to be engaged. Our plan had one fatal flaw, though.”
This conversation was getting a lot heavier than he would’ve planned. That was made even clearer when a server showed up to set their drinks in front of them.
“Your food will be out shortly,” she said in a way too syrupy sweet voice.
Then she took off for another table. Living her young, carefree life while Holden’s seemed to be getting more complicated by the second.
“What fatal flaw?” he asked.
“We didn’t come up with an end plan,” she said. “We probably need one.”
“You want an end plan?”
A heavy weight was settling over him, making it tough to even reach for his drink. He was paralyzed with…
What? Fear? Dread was more like it. The words she was about to say were probably a hundred percent necessary, but he didn’t want to hear them. He didn’t want this to ever end.
“I’ve been thinking I should probably move back home with my parents until I can get my own place,” she said. “I’ll still nanny and help with your business, of course. But I’m thinking of a more structured job instead of a live-in situation.”
Now he was getting confused. “What do you mean?”
“When you need me to nanny, even if it’s nighttime or on a weekend, I’ll come and do that, but I’ll head home when my shift is done. During the week, I can work for you, but I’ll work from my home office and come over for meetings and such. That will help J.J. and—”
She broke off there. What was she about to say? She was setting these boundaries for a reason. Was it something he did? Maybe having those vehicles delivered to his house had been a step too far. But he’d made it clear that she was paying for the car, and he even worked with her father to make sure the vehicles he chose were in line with what she liked to drive.
“And…?” he prompted. “It’ll help you too?”
She didn’t speak for the longest time, merely swirling her straw around in her drink as she stared down at it. “The whole town thinks I’m engaged to you. But I’d like to start dating eventually, and it’s going to look weird if I’m jumping from a broken engagement right into the dating pool. Not that there’s anyone to date in this town.”
She laughed. It was a dry laugh, and not one that came from her heart. Laughing was the last thing he could do right now.
“You and your daughter have been so good to me,” she said. “The cars today, giving me a place to stay, helping me out with the fiancé thing…”
That last part she said only after looking around and making sure nobody was within earshot. Everyone was having such a good time at their own tables, it seemed like they’d gotten very little attention when they entered. Or maybe it was just that people were used to seeing them together.
“You’re helping me out a lot too,” he said. “You’re great with J.J. She’s never been happier.”
What was he saying? His daughter had never been happier, and he was planning to let this woman walk out of her life eventually? Was he making a big mistake by keeping Faith at arm’s length?
“She’s amazing.” Faith smiled. “I guess that’s part of it. I’m getting a little attached to her. No matter what happens, I want to stay in her life.”
“What’s going to happen?” he asked, afraid to hear the answer.
She shrugged and looked out the window. “Eventually, I’ll meet someone. We’ll get married and start a family. Hopefully, the person will want to live here in Misty Mountain. I can’t imagine living anywhere else now that I’m back. I’ll get a marketing job that allows me to work from home. But I’ll still be here. I might not be able to nanny, but I can be in J.J.’s life for real as a friend.”
Friend. That seemed weird. It all seemed absurd to him, actually. That he would someday have his daughter befriend this woman when he was no longer spending time with her.
But how could he ask her to remain in his life indefinitely? He couldn’t. No matter what, sooner or later they’d have to go their separate ways.
“We don’t have to discuss all this in detail now.” She shook her head. “I just wanted to run this by you. I’ll stay through the first of the year and tell my parents I’m moving back in because I want to be closer to them.”
As he started to speak, the song on the jukebox changed to a country ballad—one of those sappy sad songs about losing the woman you loved. He was shocked at just how much he related to that right now.
“This is too heavy a conversation,” she said. “We should be enjoying our night. I’m sorry.”
