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“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of my daughter, Kai,” I snapped, annoyed. Was this because of what had just happened? I didn’t need him to remind me how useless a mother I had been that morning. I was beating myself up enough.
“I know that. That’s not what I meant. I just want to help, damn it!” Kai snapped back, and when I glanced at him he was rubbing at his face tiredly.
“I know, but I can’t, Kai. I c-can’t rely on you guys any more than I already am. I just can’t,” I told him, my throat tight as tears threatened.
“We’re not going anywhere, Maddie. Not this time. Never again. We won’t leave you like that again. You can trust us.”
“No,” I shook my head. “I trusted you before and it destroyed me. I won’t make that mistake again. I can’t. I’m a mother now. I have to be more careful, not for me, but for her and for my baby,” I explained. My eyes remained focused on Willow, the sight of her giving me the strength I needed. “I’m grateful to all of you for having us here and for all you’ve done, but it’s all I can take from you right now. I refuse to make the same mistakes all over again.” I got to my feet. I had to get away before I looked into his eyes and wavered in my determination.
“Maddie, please…” He grabbed my arm, put I pulled away and turned my back on him. I couldn’t speak to him. I couldn’t face him. One look at the hurt on his face and I knew I would give in. I may be angry with him, with all of them, but I loved them too, so damned much and that had never changed.
“I’m just heading up to my room if Willow needs me, Sam,” I called, my throat tight with the threat of tears.
“Get some rest, dear,” Sam called back. “We’re fine here. Willow’s going to help me make dinner next.”
“Bye mommy!” Willow called after me, dismissing me too. I smiled through my tears. It was for her. Everything I did was for her.
#
CHAPTER 9
CAMERON
I stood behind my closed bedroom door, listening as small footsteps padded up the stairs, followed by the closing of a door further down the hall.
I was being a fucking coward, listening out for Maddie going to her room so I could sneak back out to my workshop without having to see her.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want her there. I did. Seeing her after so many years of thinking of her and worrying about her was amazing. I fucking hated the reason she had been forced to come to us, and more than anything I wished I had the courage to leave the house and track down her asshole husband. It would have felt really damned good to show that motherfucker what it felt like to be terrorized. I still couldn’t comprehend how that scumbag could hurt Maddie, let alone sweet little Willow, but he had and he really needed to pay for that.
Seeing Maddie had been like someone switching on the light for a moment, in the pitch darkness that I had been living in for the last few years. I had missed her so fucking much since that night we had been forced to flee and leave her behind. Even though we had thought we were leaving her in a pretty safe and settled foster home, we had all still worried about her and regretted our decision to leave her behind.
Talking about her, and planning how we would get her back when we all got out of the military was the only thing that had gotten the four of us through some of the terrible situations we had faced. Then Ev had died and there had been no more hope for me. Half of my soul was lost with him and I couldn’t see a future ahead when I was only half a man.
It had seemed hopeless anyway. Hunter and Kai had put a ton of resources into tracking her down when we all got out, but she had simply disappeared after leaving the home of Clive and Julia on her eighteenth birthday. There had been no trace of her until Hunter bumped into her at that party in Chicago.
Now we had her back, sort of. Even in the two short interactions I’d had with her, I could see she was no longer the Maddie we had all known. Mads. Our Mads. She was gone, and in her place was someone who was living in fear, constantly on her guard and readying herself for the next fight she would have to face. Life had taken the last of the innocence that we had all loved so much.
She was still beautiful, but in a different way. All of her girlish innocence was gone, but in its place was the most breath taking woman. Her beautiful brown eyes sparkled when she smiled, her face now filled out a little. Her boyish figure had changed too, though she was still too thin. She had slight curves at her hips and her ass. She had finally gotten the breasts we had all secretly known she was so conscious about, and she had a generous cleavage in the pretty little dress she’d been wearing out in the garden. Her hair was still the same rich copper color, but it had been tamed, now hanging in shiny waves to just past her shoulders.
I loved her the moment I saw her, just as much as I had the last day we saw her under our willow tree, but I couldn’t stand to be close to her. Being close to her only made the pain of not having Ev at my side that much more intense. Being near her only served to remind me I was half the person I was the last time we were with her and it hurt, so fucking much!
I had resolved to stay away from them both. They deserved better than what remained of me after all of the fucked up shit I had been through.
I listened for a few moments to be sure Maddie had gone into her room, then I snuck out like the pussy that I was and practically ran down the stairs, eager to get outside before she appeared again.
“Cam, we need to talk brother,” Kai called, stopping me in my tracks as I bolted through the kitchen. I paused and looked over to where he stood against the island in the center. Sam had the kid in the kitchen. Willow. She was laughing as she washed her hand, the cast arm held out of the way at her side. She flicked water at Sam then laughed again as he wiped at his face with a huge smile. She was the picture of joy and innocence, everything her mother should have had, had things been different. No matter how much of an ass I was, I would do all I could to help the guys keep that innocence and joy for Willow.
“What’s up?” I asked as I forced myself to stay and talk to my brother. I had put him and Hunter through hell since I lost my twin, but I’d been trying harder to cut them a break lately. They had done so much for me, keeping me together when I was so fucking lost. They deserved some peace and I was trying.
“I know it’s going to be hard, but you, me, and Hunt need to sit down with Maddie and tell her everything. She doesn’t trust us and that needs to change if we’re going to help her and keep her safe,” he said, keeping his voice low so the little one wouldn’t over hear.
“Tell her what you like. You don’t need me there,” I told him with a wave of my hand.
“Yeah, we do. This is your story too, Cam. I’m not telling her your business without you being there.”
“I told you to keep me out of it, Kai,” I reminded him. “I’m good with her being here, but I don’t want to be involved.”
“You don’t want to be involved? Seriously man?” he sighed. “She needs you, Cam.”
