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Brent
I’ve been so focused on Sydney being here that I haven’t worried once about how much it would take to fix the barn. I may have told Sydney that money was tight when she asked about rebuilding it, but I wasn’t being entirely truthful. The truth is, I have no clue what money is like because I can’t remember the last time I was in the office.
She’s been so heavily on my mind that I’ve been neglecting the one thing that will seal my son’s future, which means I’m going to have to spend the rest of my day getting things situated. Instead of sitting on the couch, worrying about the fact that Sydney didn’t want to spend time with me today, I make my way down the long hallway and step into my home office.
Judging by the tidiness of my desk, I’m going to assume Nathan has been in here and that has me blowing out a breath of relief. At least if he’s been in here, then that means someone around this place is on top of things — but I should be the one who knows what’s going on, not Nathan. I drop onto the office chair and scan the papers sitting on my desk before throwing them into the trash.
I grab the framed photograph of Nathan sitting on my desk and pop the back out, grabbing the key for my drawer from it before putting it back in its place. The large black book sitting on top of paper stacks calls to me and I pull it out with a sigh. Even though I haven’t been looking at the numbers, I’m not stupid enough to think they are good enough to rebuild the barn — so, I wasn’t exactly lying when I gave the answer to Sydney — and that only gets proven as my eyes zero in on the information in front of me.
I’m not sure how long I sit here, looking over everything, but there’s a soft knock on the door that gains my attention and Sydney pokes her head through the crack in the door. “Hey, everything okay?”
“Uh, yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Does she know things aren’t as good as I’d like them to be?
She cocks her head to the side. “We were supposed to have a late lunch today, at least that’s what you said yesterday.”
Shit, I forgot about that. I go to close the book and slip it back into my desk, but halt my movements with a frown. “Rain check,” I snap and the harshness of my tone surprises me, so I keep my gaze pinned on the papers in front of me. If I look up at her and find sadness in her gaze, there’s no way I’ll be able to stay in this spot and figure things out.
Without another word, the door to my office clicks shut and I lean back in my chair with a sigh. The only thing I can think to do is get a loan for the rebuild, but I know the bank won’t give another loan — considering that’s what they said the last time I got a loan — so what other option do I have? The other stables aren’t large enough for all the horses and I’m sure we will be getting new ones soon. Nathan usually travels a couple states over for auctions during the spring.
Will he even be doing that anymore once the derby starts?
I’ve always had his help around here, but if being in the derby is something he really wants to do, then I guess I’m going to have to learn how to handle things on my own. Which means not saying anything to him about problems on the ranch. He needs to focus on getting his horse ready to compete — not making sure the barn gets rebuilt.
I’m sure there are other things that we could do to get money for everything, I just have to let creativity run through my mind rather than the anxiety that’s currently going to town in it. What if I lose everything I’ve worked so hard for? This was supposed to be something I could pass down to my son, but it’s looking like that might not end up happening.
Would he be disappointed in me for letting it get as bad as it is?
I growl to myself. If it wasn’t for Sydney coming here, I could’ve had things figured out already, but I’ve been so preoccupied with the way she’s made me feel that I neglected things on the ranch. This isn’t the way I want things to be, which is why I need to keep my distance from her — she’s entrenching herself into my mind far too easily.
With that part of my life figured out, I grab a notebook sitting on the edge of my desk and turn to a blank page. With a pen poised above the lines, I wrack my brain for different ways to gather the money, and write them down eagerly. One of these has to work, right? I blink through a headache that’s forming, not wanting to pull away from my work, and power through the pain.
My gaze darts to the office door for the first time since I sat down behind my desk and I frown at it, wondering if I was harsher with Sydney than I needed to be. Is it really her fault that she’s caught my attention? The headache I’m getting pounds for a few seconds, making me squeeze my eyes shut from the pain, so I lift from my seat and head to the bathroom for some Tylenol.
Who am I kidding? Of course it’s not her fault that I’m transfixed by her, it’s not like she came here with intentions of getting under my skin. She came here to get away from her work, that much I know, and she just happened to catch my attention. That’s no one’s fault but my own and at least it’s something I can try to fix before it becomes too much.
Is there even such a thing as too much when it comes to her though?
And more importantly — will I be able to fix anything involving her?
I sink into the office chair and lean back, letting my eyes fall shut for a moment while I wait for the Tylenol to kick in. As if it wasn’t enough that she takes over my thoughts when they are opened, the moment I close my eyes her image pops up as if she’s standing right in front of me. Once upon a time, it was Renee I would picture in the back of my mind, but now all I can see are Sydney’s wide blue eyes shining back at me.
The image of her standing in front of me only has me thinking of one thing — what would Sydney look like, bent beautifully over my desk? The cherry wood would make her creamy skin stand out and that only makes me want to find her, then bring her up here to see if the image I’m conjuring up is true. Her blonde hair splayed over the papers on my desk is a vision I can’t seem to lose focus of and it has me growling in irritation.
When I open my eyes, the pounding in the back of my skull isn’t as prominent as it was before so I scoot the chair closer to the desk. My eyes scan the pages of the book in front of me, but I’m not processing a damn thing I’m reading no matter how much I wish I was. I’m hard as a rock and sexually frustrated, which isn’t a good combination for me, and it seems as though my body only wants one person to satisfy the hunger burning within me.
I could easily lift from the chair and chase Sydney down, beg her to come back up here with me and let me have my way with her. But, I could also stay in place and hope that the images shake from my head soon before they become too much for me. I’d hate to make a rash decision because I’m thinking with the wrong head — Sydney leaves tomorrow morning, just as she does every three months. Getting too attached to her would be a terrible idea.
Except I’m already attached to her and the easy way she interacts with Nathan, treating him as an adult instead of a little kid — like I have been. I groan loudly and drop my face into my hands, willing the thoughts of her to go away so I can get my work done. It’s useless though, the rest of my work will have to be done when she leaves and I can be free of her presence for a little while.
Will that be enough though, her being however many miles away from here?
I’m sure she’ll still manage to interrupt my work while she’s gone and she probably doesn’t even realize the effect she has on me. There’s a certain aura about her, one that’s confident, while also oblivious, to the things around her and it only makes me wish she never came here in the first place.
Is that true though?
It might be irritating that she’s taking up so much headspace, but should it be a reason to wish she never showed up? Nathan seems to like her easily enough, I should be happy that he enjoys another woman’s company like he does hers. If Renee were still here I’m sure she and Sydney would get along wonderfully, spending some nights with glasses of wine in their hands while they gossiped about anything and everything. But is Sydney the kind of woman Renee would like to see me with?
I wish I could say I know it is, but Renee and I never had a conversation about something like that. We never talked about what the other would do if one of us left too soon, so there’s a chance this is the exact opposite of what Renee imagined for me. Then again, maybe Renee is the one that brought Sydney to me and I’m just an idiot too worried about my heart to see it.
