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All the numbers on the page in front of me are blurring the longer I stare at them, which is enough to let me know that I need to take a break and come back to it with fresh eyes. Perfect timing, I guess, since I wasn’t really paying attention to any of it in the first place. My headache is long gone as I lift from the chair and move toward the window, eyeing the blanket of snow covering the ground and remembering the days when Nathan and I would build snowmen.
Snowboarding and ice skating were our favorite pastimes during the winter months though, but I guess I’m going to have to sit out this winter since my leg is useless for anything other than walking at the moment. I shake my head and limp toward the small sofa sitting against the wall, then fall onto my back while squeezing a pillow to my chest.
There were plenty of times that I’d lay on this sofa while Renee was still here and taking care of Nathan downstairs, and I’d always end up falling asleep. I still remember how angry she was one time when she stormed inside and instead of finding me at my desk, hard at work, I was lying down snoring away. Considering she was the homemaker in the family, it made sense that she may want to take a nap after having to deal with Nathan all the time, so I understood her anger when she saw me sleeping.
It’s things like that I miss about having Renee here — there was never a dull moment with her — and I’m starting to see the same thing in Sydney.
Chapter 18
Sydney
Instead of making his mood worse, I did the best thing for both of us and headed outside without another word. I've been sitting out on his front porch for a few minutes now, not knowing what I should do since the plans I did have aren’t happening any longer. Nathan’s frame pops out from the stables down the hill and I perk up.
Maybe it would be best if I at least let Nathan know something is going on with his dad. If anyone can get through to him and figure out what’s going it would be Nathan. I walk slowly in the direction of the stables, the chill seeping into my clothes — what’s the point of the extra layers if they do nothing to chase away the cold?
Nathan is bent over, fussing with some hay when I step inside the stables and I nearly groan at the central heat that hits me in the face. I clear my throat, which makes Nathan jump slightly, and he glares at me over his shoulder. If I didn’t know the kid well enough, I’d think he was pissed at me, but he loves messing around with me more than anything.
I brush a loose strand of hair behind my ear, thanks to the rough winds, and give him a small smile. “Hey, Nate, I think you should go check on your dad.”
His spine straightens and he frowns. “Is he okay? What’s wrong?” Before he can barge in there like a madman, I clutch his elbow, pulling him to a stop.
“Nothing bad. He just seems a little agitated today. I thought maybe you could figure out what’s going on.”
“Where is he at?”
“His office, unless he left once he kicked me out.”
Nathan lets out a string of curses, clearly understanding where Brent’s irritation is coming from without even asking, then he finishes up with the hay and rushes out of the stables. I glance through each of the stalls, eyeing the horses lying around, and smile at them.
Although the cold irritates me, I wrap my coat around myself tighter and follow Nathan’s trail out of the stables with a small wave to the horses. My teeth chatter against each other with each step I take through the field, but I won’t let that deter me. Brent and I went to the lake yesterday, I’m thinking I can explore a different area of the property today by myself.
My phone blares from my pocket and I roll my eyes at Heath’s name on the screen when I pull it out. Instead of answering like I should, I let the call go to voicemail before switching my phone to silent and shoving my hands into my coat pocket. Unfortunately, I made the stupid decision of rushing out of the guest house and forgot to grab my hat and gloves by the door.
The better decision would be to go back into my house and grab the things I need, but I know as soon as I feel the warmth of the guest house I’ll want to stay there. That’s not an option right now though, since I leave tomorrow morning and I can’t promise that I’ll be allowed to come back. Hell, there’s a high chance that when I get back to the office Heath will fire me on the spot for not having any more information for him.
Do I care at this point?
I’d love to say I do, but ever since I started coming here, it’s felt like there’s something missing when I get back home. I’m not sure if it’s the two men I’ve grown accustomed to, or the silence that comes with living on a large property like this, but it’s something. Every few minutes there are horns honking outside my house back in the city, but here? Here I can sit down and watch TV without the outside world distracting me.
There are no bright lights shining through my windows here, and it’s calming to be able to walk around like this without running into some grouchy businessmen. I smirk at the thought, knowing that not too long ago Brent was the grouchy rancher I kept running into. Something changed with him though.
This was supposed to be easy — come to the ranch every few months and gather information, make sure nobody finds out about the work I’m doing, and report everything back to Heath — and it’s anything but that now. My heart aches thinking about driving away from here in the morning, even though I know I don’t have much of a choice, and I take a deep breath.
I come to a stop outside two separate trails, one of which is still covered in white, while another has tire marks running through it. I’m sure it would be stupid to walk along the one that no one has been through since the snow fell, so I march to the right and follow the one with the tire tracks. The next time I plan to come here, spring will be starting and I’m excited to see all the flowers bloom around here.
My breath catches when I come to a clearing that stands high on a hill, overlooking other trees and a few houses. It’s beautiful up here. I’m caught off guard when snow crunches behind me and I spin around to see who’s sneaking up on me, only to smile when a deer snaps its gaze to me.
We stand there for a few minutes staring at each other, neither of us knowing who should make the first move, but the twig breaking under my foot has the doe scurrying back through the trees. I close my eyes as I spin around, taking in the fresh air, then take one more glance around the space before heading back down the trail.
There’s no sign of Nathan still when I come back down, so I make my way into the guest house and slip my wet boots off at the door. Each layer I have on comes off as I inch down the long hallway, pushing open the bathroom door when I slip the last article of clothing off. Nothing is better than a warm bath after being outside in the cold.
The steam coming off the water feels glorious on my face and I lean my head back, sighing at the heat chasing away the cold. Is this what heaven feels like? No, I’m pretty sure heaven is sitting on Brent’s lap while he helps me chase my release — but this is a close second, that’s for sure.
How is it that even when I’m not around the man I still can’t help but think about him, even though I know I shouldn’t be? I’m here to spy on him, which means I shouldn’t be getting all hot and bothered in his presence — or lack thereof, considering.
Before I can get too far into my head, I step into the warm water and lean back against the cool porcelain. My body immediately relaxes, giving in to the pull of the warmth, and I sigh contently into the empty room. After a few minutes, when I know my body is warmed up, I lift myself from the tub and wrap a fuzzy robe around my waist before heading into the kitchen.
There’s nothing like hot chocolate to end the day.
