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“That’s great, Claude. Thank you,” he said gratefully. Sliding out of the booth, and putting cash on the table he added, “I’ll be in town for a few days. Take the time you need. Just know that Coach and I really want you. …I mean to be a part of the team. You know, to workout.”
“I got it. I’ll think about it,” I said tightening my lips.
Merri was about to walk away when he stopped and looked at me with vulnerable eyes.
“I’ve really missed you. I hope, somehow, even if you decline the workout, that we might again become friends.”
“I’ll think about it,” I told him, for the first time in years, remembering the good times we had shared.
Chapter 7
Merri
Returning to my car, I drove until I was out of sight of the diner and then pulled over and cried. What I had said to Claude had haunted me every day since I had said it. How could I have called him that? I had loved him. I was sure that I was in love with him. Yet, I said something that hadn’t crossed my mind until it was out of my mouth.
I hated myself for what I had said. I felt frozen in that moment. I was sure that was what was preventing me from moving on from my feelings for Claude. I couldn’t forgive myself and I couldn’t let it go.
Claude hadn’t forgiven me for what had happened but at least we had talked about it. Finally my life could progress. Who was I past the person who had betrayed my best friend? I wasn’t sure. But I was ready to find out.
Returning to the bed and breakfast, I headed upstairs to my room and laid in bed. After staring at the ceiling for a while exhausted, I received a text.
‘Update me on what’s happening with Claude,’ my father wrote.
I couldn’t handle this right now. Papa had no idea what happened between Claude and me. As far as he knew, at one moment Claude was his star quarterback and the next Claude was telling him that he had graduated and wouldn’t be returning.
Although he never mentioned it, I was sure he knew that something had happened between us. How could he not considering that after Claude left, I couldn’t look Papa in the eyes?
It wasn’t long after that that I came out to him. That wasn’t something I had ever planned to do. I had wanted to work in football and I had thought that coming out would end my chances. But being denied the only job I ever wanted would be my penance.
Telling him I was gay, Papa listened, told me he loved me, and then never brought it up again.
I didn’t know if he was in denial, but nothing changed between us. Even when I became more public about it, he still continued conversations as we walked into the locker room and never allowed any of the players to look at me funny for being there.
After getting the head coaching job at the Cougars, there were new wrinkles. The team’s owner was a fossil from another era. Papa couldn’t protect me like he once had.
Being good at my job was going to have to be protection enough. Working twice as hard as everyone else allowed most people to forget that I was gay. Even the owner had to keep his bigoted comments to himself.
If only that camera hadn’t caught me crying. But after coming out and being able to keep my job, maybe this was its true fallout. Would the owner have made as big of a deal about it if he had thought I was straight? Probably not. I’ve seen football players cry before. It happens more than you think.
Not ready to reply to Papa’s text, I stuck my phone in my pocket and headed downstairs. Seeing someone in the kitchen I hadn’t seen before, I guessed who it was.
“You’re the son that was in New York at a funeral, right?” I asked the built, dark-haired guy who appeared to be around my age.
He didn’t quite smile but it looked like he was trying to be friendly.
“I am. And I’m guessing you talked to my mother.”
“Yeah, when I checked in.”
“You’re Merrill, right?”
“Yes. But you can call me Merri,” I offered.
“Cali,” he said offering me his hand.
“Nice to meet you,” I said suddenly noticing how intensely good-looking he was.
“Were you close to the deceased?”
