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I emphasized that my fingers were pointed at me.
“I don’t get it.”
“Evan, that’s what I was going through. Do you think I had it any easier than you did?”
“You didn’t? How could you not? Your parents had to have accepted who you were.”
“Tolerating it isn’t the same thing as accepting it. Why do you think I kept doing the things I did? I was trying to create a space large enough for me to be myself without people looking at me strangely for it. That’s why I wore dresses and makeup, so that whatever else I did, it wouldn’t compare.”
“I get that now,” Evan said nodding his head. “But, that doesn’t mean you made things easy for the rest of us.”
“The rest of us?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t the only other gay guy at our school. I had a buddy on the football team that would help me out when I needed… relief.”
“So, two of the assholes making my life hell were gay?”
“He had a girlfriend. I don’t know if he was gay. He would just help me out sometimes.”
“Because that’s what friends do?” I asked him sarcastically.
“Yeah.”
“Jesus!”
“What?”
I opened my mouth about to tell him how stupid he was when I stopped. He really didn’t know. And how could he? How could anyone know what they don’t know?
Wasn’t that the purpose of a therapist, to share insights that clients wouldn’t have gained any other way?
How different would my life had been if someone had helped Evan to accept himself? I probably wouldn’t be the person I am today. I didn’t know if I would be better or worse, but I sure would have liked to find out.
“Evan, have you ever thought about seeing someone? Like a therapist?”
“I don’t need to see a therapist,” he responded defensively.
“First of all, you absolutely do. I can barely think of anyone who needs to see one more.”
Evan lowered his eyes. “I know.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I might be dumb. But I ain’t stupid.”
“So, why haven’t you?”
“I don’t know. But, maybe if you were willing to spend some time with me.”
“Okay, that’s never gonna happen, ever! There’s too much that has gone on between us.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“But, there are a lot of people out there who are willing to help you. There’s an LGBT center in Nashville. And if going in there in person would be too much for you, there are hotlines you can call. What I’m saying is, there’s a way out of what you’re feeling. You don’t have to hate yourself anymore.”
Evan’s gaze dipped. A moment of silence went by before he spoke again.
“Can I ask you something?”
