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Taking a moment to gather myself, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I was again steady, I returned to my seat.
I was falling hard for Cali. I couldn’t look at him. If I did, not only would he see what I had done, he would know how horrible of a person I was.
I thought I could escape my family’s destiny. But I brought as much destruction as the rest of them did. I didn’t deserve a guy like Cali.
Neither of us said a word until after both of our plates were clean. Even after that, we sat in silence unable to look at each other.
Not being able to take it anymore, I opened my mouth to speak. “I, ah…”
“We still picking berries in the morning?” He asked as if I would no longer want to.
Why would he think that?
“Of course. I’ve been thinking about it all day,” I said, practically shivering from being overwhelmed with emotion.
“Good,” he said flatly.
I wanted to climb into his brain and rip open all of his thoughts. I wanted to know everything about him.
I knew I didn’t deserve something like that, though. I didn’t deserve someone like him. These were moments stolen from a guy who deserved better.
If I were a good person at all, I would disappear in the middle of the night and never come back. But I was my father’s son. Whether I liked it or not. We hurt others. And as much as I didn’t want to, I was going to continue hurting this beautiful man.
“How can you tell when they’re ripe?” I asked Cali, staring down at the prickly bush in front of me.
“The color, mostly,” he said moving to my side. Sometimes you can squeeze them.”
Plucking a purple berry from the plant in front of both of us, he stood pinching the fruit.
“There should be some give when you squeeze it. If it’s hard, it’s not ripe. See?” he said, rolling the berry into his palm.
Staring at his hand, my heart thumped. I was about to touch him. As I reached for the fruit, my fingertips lightly touched his rugged skin. I explored every ridge.
When the fruit was between my fingers, I rolled my hand, exploring his fingers with the back of mine. My touch begged for him to hold me. When his grip lightly tightened, I lost my breath. I yearned for more. But instead, I tested the berry as he watched.
“Yes, I see what you mean. It’s soft but really sturdy. Dependable, I imagine,” I said, staring into his eyes.
He didn’t respond. Maybe I had taken it a step too far. But, wasn’t this a date? Hadn’t he said that? Didn’t boys hold hands on dates? Or was that only what heterosexual couples did?
Maybe, he didn’t actually think of this as a date. All he had suggested was for us to pick berries. Maybe I was looking too much into it.
“Have you ever been on a date with a guy before?” I asked him, desperately needing to know.
His fair skin turned a shade pinker. He was this large intimidating man yet he seemed so vulnerable. It was adorable. It made me want him more.
“I’m not great at this type of stuff,” he admitted, averting his eyes.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that I haven’t. I don’t want to screw things up. I mean, if there’s anything to screw up. I don’t exactly have much experience with stuff like this.”
“Like what?”
“Boys?”
“Girls?” Cali asked vulnerably.
I laughed.
“No, definitely not with that.”
