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I couldn’t believe it. Hil was gone. All I could hear was a loud buzzing. I couldn’t see what was in front of me. The only thing I could picture was what I had just lost.
“I’m so sorry,” Mama said.
I looked at her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She had heard everything. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to her. So, instead of saying anything, I handed her the phone and walked out.
Once in the hallway, I continued walking. Descending the stairs, I headed for the front door.
“Cali, what happened? Where are you going?” Claude asked as I continued onto the porch.
Without saying a word, I walked down the driveway and onto the street. Still in a daze, I entered the woods. When I stopped walking I was in front of a creek. It was the one where Tim and I had skinny dipped all those years earlier.
Stripping off my clothes, I got in. It was cold. That was fine. And releasing the grip I held tightly for so long, the dam broke. I sobbed.
I don’t know how long I was there. I know that it was longer than I needed to pull myself together. I could have stayed there forever. I might have if it wasn’t for my mother. She needed me. I had to fix her dinner. I wasn’t going to let her down.
She had also asked me not to let my education slip. I had. If nothing else, I could fix that. I just needed to show up. Wasn’t that the case? Wasn’t showing up half the battle?
Getting out and getting dressed, I walked back home. When I was there, I started making dinner. It wasn’t anything special, but it was all I could manage.
“Would you like to talk?” my mother asked me as I set the tray down in front of her.
It wasn’t that I was ignoring her. I was just tackling everything I could handle at the moment. Even shaking my head would have been too much. So instead, I looked at her. When she understood, I left to start cleaning up the mess I left behind.
The next morning, I drove to campus and attended class. I took notes. I participated in the discussion. And when the campus bell rang, I packed up my stuff and headed to the next one.
For the following days and the next two weeks, that was all I did. It was during that time that I told Mama everything that had gone on. I told her about Hil’s family, why someone had run her off the road, and the surgery that she needed. She took everything well.
When she asked about the things we could do to get the money, I told her about Hil’s gift. She wasn’t sure how to respond. Mama had always raised me to have a respect for the law. It wasn’t that knowing Hil’s background had tarnished her view of him. She still loved him like a son. It was that she considered his family’s money to be ill gotten gains.
“He wanted you to have it. He was very clear. He thought that something good had to come out of the things his family did. And I want you to take it. It would make me feel like I wasn’t going through all this pain for nothing,” I admitted to Mama, sharing more with her than I had since Tim died.
It took a long time for her to speak again. When she did, there was sadness in her eyes.
“There’s a reason I’ve never told you about your father.”
Having not expected this, my gaze flicked up at her.
“What is it?” I asked, having suddenly lost my breath.
“Your father wasn’t on a good path,” she admitted not being able to look me in the eyes.
I was desperate to know more.
“What do you mean?”
“When you told me about Hil, I had to wonder if the reason you had fallen for someone like him was because of who I had once fallen for.”
She looked up at me offering a sad smile.
“There are times when you remind me so much of him. He was so determined. He could be so charismatic. But he was also secretive. He had a dark side.
“Obviously I wasn’t the only one who had fallen for his charms. I had no idea about them—your brothers’ mothers. That was as much of a surprise to me as it was when you found out about it. I guess I was embarrassed that I had been seduced so easily.
“He really was so handsome, though. That’s where you get your good looks from. And you turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me,” she said with a smile.
“Who was he?” I asked, not wanting the conversation to end.
“A guy I met. Someone dark and dangerous. Someone who made me feel special.”
