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I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the holiday. But looking around my old room, I knew it could be worse. I’d had a hard childhood with his expectations forced on me. But at least they never gave me a hard time about being gay. It wasn’t about what sex my partner was but how successful they were. Would my boyfriend be someone I could present to the family, to society? They should love Quinn. He was a lawyer at a prestigious firm.
It was still hard to swallow their judgements, but there were other gay kids who had it worse. Others who grew up homeless, abused. My perspective was starting to shift.
“Why are you standing there like that?” My mother stepped inside. “I know you’re upset, but this doesn’t have to be so hard.”
“Upset? Yeah. What was your first clue?”
“Don’t be smarmy with me.”
I rolled my eyes again. I had a million things to say to her, but none of them would help.
“I know your father is being difficult right now, but it didn’t have to come to this.”
“Oh, it didn’t? I suppose this was my fault. Because what? I didn’t do what he wanted. I tried to be my own person. So now that’s justification for trapping me? Controlling me? What’s next? If I don’t give in, will you have me locked up? As if living my life is a crime?”
She gasped. “Royce. No. It’s not like that.”
“It’s not?” I sat on the edge of the single bed and spread my arms wide. “Enlighten me, Mother.”
“I, I…Royce. This is for your own good.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not. Most certainly not. All that money he’s now controlling. Doing who knows what with. That was mine. I earned it, invested it. That car? I bought it. I’m completely capable of taking care of myself. I’m a grown adult. And I act like it.”
“You don’t. You act like a dog.”
“Everyone has their own way of blowing off steam. I’m not hurting anyone.”
“I don’t know about that.” Her voice was suddenly soft and quiet. “I don’t know anything.”
I huffed at her ignorance and reluctance to fight for herself, let alone me. “Why are you letting him do this? Why? Why can’t you stand up to him for once? Defend your son. I’ve done nothing wrong.”
She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, hiding the gems sewn into her gown. “I can. I will. But only if you can let the weird gay stuff go. He’s not going to give in if you’re doing that. Maybe I can get him to loosen the reigns.”
“You don’t understand at all. How can you not see how miserable the two of you have made me? Parents are supposed to love and support their kids unconditionally. I only have that if I’m who you want me to be, but I’m not. I’m not that person.” I thought again of all the kids, faces I didn’t even know, who didn’t know unconditional love or any kind of love. The kids from the toy event a few weeks ago. Some had never had love or support. None of this was right. If someone like me, who came from a well-off family, couldn’t get what I needed, how could they? What chance did they have?
“But Royce, why do you have to do that bestiality stuff? It’s not normal. Your father has filed an injunction to have you psychiatrically evaluated. You’ll have to see a psychiatrist weekly. We want to help you stop that.”
The fears I had earlier of them locking me up rushed forward, but I hardly heard much of what she said past that word. “What the—what the hell are you talking about? Are you crazy?”
“That’s what your dad said that pup stuff was.”
“Oh no, it’s so not. And most of the time, all it is about is hanging out with friends. No animals are involved, Mom. We pretend we’re puppies. That’s all.”
“Why?” She looked so confused, but it was the most interest I’d had from her in years.
“Because I have never had any control over my life. Because instead of playing with friends as a child, you had me interacting with adults and preparing a resume. At fucking twelve,” I pleaded, but the blank expression had me fearing it was falling on deaf ears. She only listened to what she wanted to hear. From Father.
“You had potential. We were supposed to what? Let you climb trees and make mud pies?” Yep. She could only see what Father wanted.
“Yeah, mom. Exactly, if that’s what I wanted to do. I was a kid. And you made me an adult, but you never even let me have that. The last few years, I’ve done very well. I have an amazing job with a world-class company. I made great investments. Have you even looked at my financials? The trust fund is only the tip of what’s there. And you took it all away from me as if I were still twelve. I’m not.”
Finally, she looked contrite. Maybe. “I, uh, I don’t know what to say. But Royce, if you weren’t doing that weird gay dog stuff, we wouldn’t have had to step in.”
“Uh, Mom. You didn’t have to step in any way. None of that had anything to do with you. Hell, I happen to know you and dad haven’t shared a bedroom in years, and in fact, he probably has a mistress. Or two. All of that is deviant behavior. Maybe I should have stepped in and taken over your finances.”
She stared at me like I’d lost my mind. Perhaps I had. Maybe I did need a shrink. But it would be for what they put me through, not for the pup-play. “This is ridiculous. I’m going home.”
Only home to me meant Quinn, and that was the one place I couldn’t really go.
