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“I’m far from drunk. I’m a big guy. It would take the bottom of that bottle before I started doing things I didn’t want to do.”
She glances back toward Wayne. “The horses?”
He sighs and blows out heavy air. “No, we’re settling what’s going on here first.”
“If Gypsy is out, he’ll be halfway to town in ten minutes. We have to go after him.” She notices her skirt and pulls it into place. “We can talk about this later.”
Wayne has been drinking. You can see it in his eyes. It’s probably to offset the terrible friend I’ve been tonight, leaving him alone in a room full of relatives he didn’t want to be alone with.
I don’t know if we can repair this. I’ve really fucked up.
“Let’s go.” I step past Poppy and toward Wayne, holding her against my chest for a long second as we move through the kitchen. I don’t care who sees anymore. Touching her even for a second is the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life. As wrong as it is, I know now where I belong. There’s no going back from that.
Poppy must not see it that way. She brushes me off and follows Wayne outside, talking with him about something as they approach the truck. As Wayne opens the driver’s door, I run out to stop him. “Not like this, buddy. You’ve had too many. Get in on the other side.”
Poppy gives me a half smile and I can see she’s relieved. I’m sure she would have been fine, but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I was wrong.
Snow begins to fall heavy, and as we inch down the driveway with the horse trailer, I get a glimpse of what life could be like with her at my side. A late winter night, wrangling our own horses in with her breath on my windshield. I wonder if she’s imagining the same, or if she’s still trying to figure a way out of what’s happened. Judging by her silence, I’d guess the latter.
At the end of the driveway, I park and hop out of the truck, watching as Wayne tosses the rope half a dozen times. He’s tipsy, and the horse is wound up. We could be out here all night long.
“Why don’t you let me help? Toss me the rope.”
He laughs. “Let you help? I let you help, and you fucked my baby sister.”
“Woah. No. That didn’t happen.”
“You want to, right? You’re fucking sick! She’s a kid!”
I want to debate his facts. She’s most definitely not a kid. She’s in her mid-twenties, but now doesn’t seem like the time to argue numbers. That, and I understand the thought he’s going for. “Hand me the rope. I’ll help.”
He tosses it again this time landing it around Gypsy’s neck. “I’m going to take him up to the barn. I’ll meet you guys back at the house. We should probably shut the party down. It’s been a long night.” His tone is gruff, and I know now that it’s going to take more than a conversation to get through to him. It’s going to take time. Lots of time.
I’d rather have it out here and now, but given the holidays are right around the corner and there’s still twenty people inside waiting for our return, I decide it’s best to just climb up in the truck with Poppy.
She holds the engine on idle and turns toward me. “I heard him.”
I stay silent because I can’t fix what he said.
“What happened with us, can’t happen.” She runs her fingers through her hair. “You know how I feel about you. God, I’ve felt this way forever, but I can’t hurt Wayne again.”
“Really? We could rip this Band-Aid off, once and for all.”
She smiles and puts the truck in reverse, watching in her rearview mirror as she backs up. “I remember being a little girl, watching you, imagining you were my husband, and this was us. A truck, Friday night, a riverbank. Hell, you’re the reason I don’t move on, the reason no other man seems good enough.” A tear slips down her cheek. “And in my head, this all makes sense. You, me, and Wayne… a all the family someone could need. But that’s fantasy, isn’t it? Look at him…” She parks the truck and nods toward the barn where her brother is relocating the horse. “He’s crushed. We’re the only two people in his life. If we betray him, he’s got nothing left. I can’t do that to him. And I know deep down, you don’t want to either.”
She’s not wrong. I’d never want to hurt Wayne, but denying what I need is unbearable, and I’m not sure how much longer I can put his needs in front of my own. There has to be a time where I stop living a life where all I do is chase jobs to fill a void I’m forbidden to fill.
“He’d come to terms with us. It would take time, but he would.”
“That’s the thing, Bodie. What makes you think there’s anus?What if we hurt him and then we don’t work out? What if all the energy between us is because it’s taboo? What happens when it’s not?” Her brows raise and she looks away. “I’ll tell you. It’s awkward forever and everyone got hurt in the process. I can’t be that selfish.”
I draw in a deep breath and reach for her hand, holding it tight in mine as snow piles on the windshield. “What if it turns into everything we ever dreamed of? You’re not even leaving room for the possibility that we get everything we’ve both wanted.”
She laughs sarcastically. “Do you know how badly I want to say yes? Do you know how bad I want your hands all over me? God, Bodie. I dream about it constantly.” She blows out a breath and turns to jump out of the truck. “I’m going to say good night to everyone.”
“You’re not leaving, are you?”
“No. That last bit of tequila was too much to drive home. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight and head out in the morning. Maybe I can apologize to Wayne enough times that he’ll forgive us both.”
