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Sarah could see the slightest bit of sadness dampening the golden eyes that were refusing to look at her. It was the first sign of emotion that Sarah had gotten. She had to connect with her now while the wall was thin.
“You know, I lost my mother as well. I was about your age.”
Suki’s eyes shot up as if to catch Sarah in a lie. “You did?”
“Yes. I loved my mother very much. She taught me so much in the little amount of time I got to spend with her. It took me longer than I care to admit to get over losing her.”
“How long?” Suki sounded as if she was trying to find the cure. Sarah’s heart went out to her.
“Honestly, I’m still working on it. That hole will never go away, but talking about it and dealing with the pain makes it more manageable. I’ve found that remembering the good times we had then, the good memories we have, helps a lot.”
Suki looked distant. “So, I’ll always miss her?”
“Yes.”
“Will Father always miss her too?” Suki looked concerned. She seemed more worried for him than herself.
“I suppose he will,” Sarah admitted.
“Will we always be so … unhappy?”
Sarah’s heart broke right then. “No. You will learn to miss her but be happy for the things that passed between you two. Would it help if I explained it from my point of view?”
Suki nodded sheepishly. It made Sarah smile. She knew the little girl was trying to be a grown-up and understand, but she needed it simplified for her. More importantly, Suki wanted to know there was a light at the end of this sadness.
“My mother was very sick. I knew she wasn’t going to be with me forever. It was hard watching her deteriorate, but it allowed me to try to make the most of the last days I had with her. And even though I had that, it was still just as hard to watch her go. I miss her every day. Just like I am sure, you miss your mom every day. And I am sure your father does as well.”
“I do miss her. Sometimes, I feel like I shouldn’t talk about her, though.”
“Why’s that?”
Suki shrugged. She was looking more and more like a little girl as she opened up. She swung her feet, looking at her shoes and sitting on her hands. The cold, mature girl from earlier was now replaced with a bashful and nervous child.
Sarah took a shot in the dark and made a small white lie to prod Suki’s openness along. “You know, I used to try to be brave for my dad and other family members after my mom passed. I even used to think that if I talked about her, it would make them sad or make me even more sad.”
“What did you do?” Suki asked eagerly.
Sarah leaned forward, closer to Suki. “I realized that it was silly of me to put all of that responsibility on myself. Or to think it would make others sad.”
“It didn’t?”
She smiled reassuringly at her. “It didn’t. It actually made for good conversations for us to share our happy memories or even sad ones, that we had with her. It has kept my mother alive, even to this day.”
A crack started to push its way through the stiff foundation of Suki. Her body language became more inviting and trusting. Sarah hoped she’d helped the girl feel less alone.
“You know.” Suki scooted closer to Sarah as if entrusting her with a secret. Sarah played along and leaned in, sincerely interested.
“What?”
“I don’t sleep in my room.”
“You don’t?”
“No. I go up to the attic to my mother’s old room. She worked on her art up there. Well, your species would call it magic, but it’s an art form here.”
Sarah waited for her to continue.
“I guess I feel closer to her there. I don’t miss her as much, either. I can talk to her, too.”
