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“No, I’m sure I will be fine, Officer. I have to get used to this if things don’t go my way, after all.” I could see that he was still hesitant to leave me alone, so I continued. “I know you won’t be too far away if there are any problems.”
Eventually, he walked back into the prison, leaving me alone with the other inmates. I decided it was probably best to keep my distance and hope they had been told I was new and just finding my feet. I walked up towards one end of the yard, turned, and then back down towards the other, keeping my gaze slightly towards the ground, not making eye contact with any of the other inmates.
As I was nearly reaching the other end of the yard, I glanced up and saw that I had a welcoming party at the end of the yard. I considered immediately turning around and heading back in the other direction, but what would that have achieved? I lifted my head and continued to walk towards the group of men who were now watching my every move. As I approached them, I waited to see who would either say or do something first. If nothing was said, then I was just going to turn around and continue my walk. I didn’t have to wait long before the inmate closest to me spoke.
“Well, who’s the governor’s blue-eyed boy, then? The first time inside, and they get their own cell along with two personal guards. Seems a little unfair for a man that killed his wife and unborn baby just because it wasn’t his!”
I had wondered how long it would be before someone brought that up. It was a heinous crime and was bound to raise eyebrows among the other inmates, especially for the reasons they had already mentioned. Most inmates would have expected someone with my suspected crimes to be treated by everyone with contempt, not protected by two officers. I chose not to make any comment and went to turn and continue my walk. I felt a hand grab my arm as I turned away from them.
“I was talking to you.”
I turned back to face the inmate who had originally spoken to me. I decided that it really wasn’t worth the hassle that would come from walking away and stood there looking at the group of men in front of me.
“Sorry, I thought you had finished. I don’t know why I am being treated the way I am. I’ve never been in prison before, so I don’t know what the usual protocol is. Perhaps you can explain so that I know going forward.”
I tried not to infuriate the group any more, but also make them realise that I wouldn’t know how I should be treated by the staff here, even though I would have guessed that most people knew it wasn’t how I was being looked after.
The inmate who had been speaking to me took a step forward in my face and pushed his finger into my chest. “Just remember, we don’t treat people like you very favourably in here. You won’t be protected all the time, and when you aren’t… Well, I suggest you watch your back at all times, pretty boy.”
The last statement suggested to me that they also knew that I was gay. He pushed me away slightly as Officer Richards, who must have seen the altercation, walked over to us.
“What’s going on here, Max?”
Max, as I now knew him, stepped away from me and held both his hands up in a form of surrender.
“Nothing, sir. We were just getting to know the new guy, that’s all. Isn’t it?” He addressed me with a tone that, in no uncertain terms, told me I should agree.
“It’s okay. As Max said, they were just getting to know me.”
I saw Officer Richards raise his eyebrows. He knew exactly what was happening, but without me making a complaint, there was nothing he could do. He shook his head slightly before he spoke again.
“Well, it’s time for you to all go back to your cells. So, come on. Off you all go.”
He turned away and started to walk towards the entrance of the prison, and I duly followed, grateful that he had come along when he did.
Part of me was relieved that I had been put into the specific care of these two prison officers. However, it also drew attention to me with the other inmates, as yesterday had proven. Whenever I was led anywhere within the prison, I could hear the mumblings amongst themselves. It was one reason why Officer Richards had asked, or should I say suggested, that it was perhaps better for me to stay in my cell and that either he or Officer Nicholson would bring me anything I needed.
I had also been to meet the governor of the prison today, Mr. Charles. He had said that Detective Stevenson had explained the situation, and that was the reason I was being kept in solitary confinement for my own protection. He also confirmed again how Callum didn’t think I was guilty, but as the evidence pointed to me, he had to follow the law. Both the officers assigned to me would make sure I was safe; however, that was the only concession I was being given. He had asked if any of the inmates had said anything to me, but of course, I wasn’t going to say anything, so I just said no.
I hadn’t dared tell them that I had already been threatened that I should always watch my back because the officers wouldn’t always be able to protect me. I knew if I said anything to the officers, I would be branded as a grass, and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. It was one of the reasons that I readily agreed to stay here for nearly twenty-four hours a day. The only other time I came out of my cell was after six o’clock in the evening, when everyone else was locked in their cells. Then either Officer Richards or Nicholson would escort me to the showers so I could wash before I was locked back in my cell.
I had to admit that both officers were very kind, probably kinder than they should have been to a prisoner. They would come to my cell every once in a while and talk to me. I wasn’t sure if they were trying to keep me hopeful or if they were just making sure that I wasn’t about to kill myself. It wasn’t something that I had contemplated so far, but the longer I was here, the more I thought it could be an option.
Well, it would have been, except for Richard. I didn’t want to think about how much it would hurt him. I hoped that all his friends were around him now helping him through this situation. That they would be there to comfort him through his own turmoil and pain. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that support. I had to sit here every day and night on my bed, with so many thoughts going around my head.
I needed to let Richard know how I felt. I wanted him to realise how much finding him and having him in my life meant to me. How much I needed him and hoped that he would still be there for me at the end of all this, no matter what happened. The tears were already starting to form in my eyes as I got up off my bed and opened the drawer on the desk in the corner of my room.
I sat down at the desk in my cell and pulled out the notebook that James had given me yesterday. I needed to keep myself sane and not lose myself to the pain, anxiety, and depression that was looming in the back of my mind. I thought of all the things that I could do, but only one thing—or should I say, one person—was on my mind: my Romeo. I opened the book, picked up the pen, and started to write.
My Darling Romeo,
We have only been apart for a few days, but I am lost without you. I thought I knew what it was like to feel lonely, being married to a woman I never loved, but now I realise that was nothing compared to the pain and loneliness I feel without you.
Our relationship may be new, but I already feel as though I have known you all my life. We were always meant to be together, but until now, fate kept us distant. Then, just when I found you, I was torn away, locked in this cell with only the four walls to look at.
I always hoped I would find a man as wonderful as you to share my life with. I pray that you will still be there for me, no matter what happens to me. Thinking of you is the only thing that is keeping me sane in here. I wouldn’t know what to do if you ever left me. I am already so madly in love with you that it hurts. I have never felt this way before, and I am sure I will never feel this way again.
I know it sounds ridiculous that I am feeling desperate having been in here for such a short space of time, but this isn’t me. I’m not a criminal like nearly everyone else in here. I’m an innocent man who has been framed for a murder I could never have committed.
