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“What? That’s all we’ve ever been. I’m focusing on making things work with Alec right now.”
He winces. “How long have you been dating?”
“A couple of months.”
“And you’re ‘making things work’?”
“Yeah. All relationships take work.” Right? I’ve never really been in one, but I hear people say that all the time.
“True.” The way he draws the word out tells me he means it shouldn’t be this hard. Not yet. “You’re all good people. You’ll figure it out.” He pats my shoulder and gives me a bolstering look as he leaves.
Easy for him to say. What does he mean, we’re “all good people”? My relationship with Alec has nothing to do with Noah. I brush off whatever I felt last night as fleeting, purely physical, solidifying my resolve to invest in my relationship with Alec, and my head clears just enough to focus on my work.
Brad is working evening staff with me again tonight, along with three others. On weeknights we come in after the boys finish school, take them on outings, and shepherd them until bedtime when the night staff takes over. Alec views it as glorified babysitting, but I’ve seen how influential having a healthy connection—a good role model—can be for these guys. For some of them, we’re like the loving, accepting older siblings they never had.
Like the one you should have been to Benson.
I pause, acknowledge the painful thought, and set it aside, replacing it with my mantra:I did the best I could with the knowledge and skills I had at the time. My experience with Benson—painful as it was to acquire—is what helps me connect with these guys now.
It also helps when they try my patience, as teenagers do.
We have a good-sized group tonight—twenty boys ranging in age from fourteen to seventeen—that have opted for the outdoor activity, so we load them into a couple of vans and drive to the park for the evening, taking advantage of the good weather while it lasts.
They gravitate to the activity that interests them most, some playing soccer on the wide lawns or volleyball in the sandpits, others walking around. The staffers split so there’s good supervision in each group. I choose volleyball.
“Grace!”
I turn just in time to catch the ball Lars has tossed my way. “Aww, you were supposed to set it!”
“You have to give me a better toss than that!” I hit the ball back at him, and he digs it, giving me a pass I can work with. I set him up, and he gets a great smack down over the net. “Nice timing!”
His smile is as wide as the Grand Canyon. He’s planning to join a club team back home when he leaves Pathfinder.
Most of the boys end up here because of their alcohol or marijuana use. Our job is to help them see what drove them to substances in the first place and work through it so they won’t go back to using when they leave us. Every time I get a smile like that one from Lars, I know I’m in the right place at the right time. I like to think Benson approves.
A couple of other boys join me and Lars, and Brad lines up with three on the other side of the net. It’s a close game. I’m able to get Lars some good sets, and he kills more of them than he shanks. His hitting has really improved over the summer. The other boys aren’t as skilled as he is, but Lars is good about including them and offering encouragement. He even sets me up a couple of times, and it feels fantastic to hit something, even though we lose the game.
We pile back into the vans as the sun sinks toward the horizon. I’m sticky and tired and surrounded by loud, sweaty teenagers, and my heart is full of endorphins and love for these struggling guys.
It’s a great job, and I’m reminded that Idolove volleyball.
Just maybe not with Alec.
Chapter 48
Door or Window?
Noah watched from a distance,battling an overwhelming desire to cut and run as Alec sat with his arm around Grace’s shoulder at church and held her hand in the hall. Escape won out in theory, but the pastor caught him as soon as meetings were over and asked if Noah could stay for a chat.
They sat down together in the pastor’s office. After deflecting compliments about his dutch-oven cooking and some obligatory get-to-know-you questions, Pastor Will’s next words surprised Noah.
“So you already know Grace Ebert?”
“Yeah, we’ve known each other for a while,” Noah answered, wondering what this had to do with anything.
“That’s great,” Pastor Will said. “You’ve worked together before?”
“Mm-hmm.”
