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“You haven’t left the house in four days. That’s too long. Right, kids?”
“I can’t even with your crap, chump,” Zoey says and puts out her hand. “Let’s do this thing before I bust an ovary.”
Care Bear nods as if the kids are being helpful. I take my tennis shoes from Scout and put them on before choosing to keep my ass planted on the couch.
“I feel like Ihavebeen out of the house in the last four days.”
“No, we’ve been tracking it.”
“Mommy, you need to come to HQ with us for lunch,” Scout says and cuddles up with me. “You don’t need to be scared. We’ll protect you.”
I look over my four children’s faces. Anthony is the spitting image of his dead father, yet I don’t see Cypher today. Scout looks like me as a child. I always think if I can do right by her, I’ll be saving little Jules. But today, she’s the one hoping to save me.
Evie and Zoey have only been in my life for a year, but I love them with all my heart. They can’t call me “mom” in respect to the moms they lost. But I’m the one they call for when they’re scared. I brought structure to their grief-drenched lives. Now, they want to help me regain my focus.
After putting on my shoes, I stand up and force myself to walk to the door. The kids surround me. Evie holds my right hand. Scout cuddles my left one. On the way to HQ, Zoey leads the way, always peeking back to check on me. Anthony and Clark bring up the rear. Whenever I glance back toward our house and wish I could return, I find my son’s gaze on me. I smile at him, erasing the worry on his face.
After the seven of us settle at a table, we’re joined by Blunt and Overlord who were out working. I feel safe surrounded by my people. Not just at this table, but HQ is filled with others I know and trust.
Sister Sass sits against Jester, trying to coax him into eating something. My half sister Dire watches them and pretends to puke.
I smile at Eliza at another table. She’s getting close to having her son. She’ll need me to help out. That’s what friends do at the Sanctuary. A new baby is always a big deal. I can’t hide in my house anymore.
“We’ll get you out the door,” Care Bear promises. “Soon, you won’t need help. Until then, we’ll make you feel safe.”
Overlord gives Care Bear a thankful smile. I grin at how he asked her for help. In my head, I’ve known I’m not at the Cahuenga compound any longer. I’m surrounded by good people here.
But sometimes, I get so wound up on the past, I can’t feel the present. After lunch, I know it’s time to push myself harder. I’m missing out on fun by hiding.
This new thinking is why I agree to go on a ride with Overlord a few days later. He surprises me by taking us not only outside the Sanctuary but to the Cahuenga compound.
Dread flows through my veins as I climb off the motorcycle and look around. This place feels cursed, yet Overlord’s hand on my shoulder helps keep me grounded.
After Rafe brought hell down on the Cahuenga compound, I saw pictures of the burned-out homes and clubhouse. Now, most of those buildings have been bulldozed. In a year, nature will take back much of the abandoned area. In ten years, there’ll be few reminders of the people who once called this place home.
Overlord rests his hand against the small of my back. He’s careful not to spook me as we stand in a place filled with so many bad memories.
“The club quietly bought this land through one of our LLCs. We can’t build anything for a few years due to press attention. But this land belongs to the Born Villains now.”
Looking up, I find his gorgeous blue eyes watching me. Though I think to ask why he brought me here, I can’t find the words.
“This place will one day be a second homebase for our club,” Overlord explains. “We’ll have people living here. Services nearby, too.”
My heart races. I feel a panic attack building. I want to leave.
Memories rush over me. I think of my mom dying in the large house we shared with Kraken and his real family. I remember all the times when I was hurt and used. I’m overwhelmed with thoughts of the day when Cypher and the other bikers arrived to take over the club.
So much of my family was destroyed in this place—Queen Bee, Kraken, Sutton, and Hollis. I suspect Finch lost his life somewhere nearby as he tried to flee the men that he once considered his friends.
And a part of Rafe also died out here when he got his revenge.
“Why are we here?” I ask Overlord as grief and depression drag me down.
“One of the services will be a clinic for pregnant women and their babies. I want to name it ‘The Beth Gwynne House’ in honor of your mom.”
A sob fights to break free. I look at him and then around the land where I spent too many painful years. Scout and Anthony were born at the compound. One day, they might visit this place with only the vaguest memories of their earliest fears.
“Thank you,” I tell Overlord and finally wrap myself in his embrace.
