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In the shower, I turned the hot water up a bit, a trick I had learned when the pain of grief became too much to bear. Cold water didn’t cut it. It had to be hot. My skin would stay bright red for half an hour after a shower like that.
My phone rang, a tone I’d selected for Margo and Rocko alone. I turned the scalding water off, finally; its previous curative power hadn’t worked this time. I answered. It was Margo, whispering.
“What happened this morning? Lillian is on her knees.”
Closing my eyes, I lowered the toilet lid and sat. “I said I wasn’t coming to decorate the damn tree.”
“I figured. You’ve got to be true to yourself, sweetheart.”
“I don’t know what to do now. I’m supposed to see Flynn today.”
“Did you tell her?”
“No.”
“Can I? That might sweeten the disappointment.”
“If you think it will make a difference, tell her. I feel like she’s trying to manipulate us.”
“Trying? She is, Bella. Rocko just left. I mean, he slammed out of here. I think things are coming to a head, finally.”
“Thanks to me,” I said.
The accident, the notoriety, it was all making waves my family didn’t need. Grieving for Lucy the way we all should have when it had happened might be too painful now. No one wanted to confront the truth, that it might have been prevented. Maybe.
“Okay, Margo, tell her. You’re right, it might be a better excuse than I just don’t want to be the whipping boy for the family this holiday.”
“You have been that,” she said sadly. “It’s not easy for Rocko and me to watch it happen.”
“There’s nothing you can do about it,” I said. “One thing I should tell you, though, is that I’m thinking about taking the boards again.Thinking,nothing more.”
“Bella, that’s wonderful! Is it because of the accident?”
“Indirectly. Flynn is going to some remote place to do reconstructive surgery on kids with cleft palate deformities and asked me to go with him. I could go as a tech, but if I go, I want to go as a nurse. Wow! I just made that decision. I can’t believe it.”
“I might cry,” Margo said.
“Aw, don’t cry about me. I’m a mess.”
Margo and I talked for another minute.
“I’m getting nervous,” I said. “Can we chat later?”
“Later it is. Love you, Bellabug.”
“Love you, too, Margo.”
The minute I ended the call, a text came through.
I’m finally up! What about you? Can’t wait to see you.
A rush went through me. So last night hadn’t been a dream. I almost wrote that and decided one of us had to keep their cool, and it might as well be me.
Good morning! What time will you be here?I assumed he was going to pick me up.
Is ten too early?
It was just nine. My mother had gotten me up earlier than I’d thought.
