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I’d packed up six enormous boxes of underwear, and sending them ended up costing more than I had paid to buy them. But it was worth it. My bedroom looked spartan without my things lying around.
Dale took one look and cried. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“I’ll lend you the money to come over on vacation.” I was serious. That was the best use of the award money.
I was going to be financed one hundred percent by my ornery grandfather, who had brushed up on Lebanese history and the war, and must have found a new appreciation for me.
“You bewitched Grandpa,” Rocko said, snickering. “You’re all he can talk about now. That and the political situation in Lebanon. I’ve got to admit, he’s finally got our attention.”
“I’m glad I gave him something to live for,” I scoffed.
Flynn couldn’t believe it either. He had given his notice to Ramsen, also Lebanese, who was disbelieving. Flynn repeated the conversation to me.
“Ramsen said, ‘I’m probably jealous.. My wife would never go back there.’ I understand where she’s coming from,” Flynn continued. “My mother and father are upset because of the political situation. Of course they are worried.”
He and I didn’t use the worddangerwhen we talked about Lebanon.
“What did your father say when you asked him for support?” I asked.
“He’s going to do it.”
“With my grandfather’s contribution, we should be okay.”
“It’s almost too easy. Ramsen said they are considering opening another fellowship position.”
“They can’t replace you with a fellow!” I said. “That’s ridiculous.”
“They aren’t trying to replace me, exactly. They need another pair of hands for call time and office hours. I might leave before my contract is finished if they get all the legalities in order for something like that.”
“Well, that’s good news. I’m ready to go, Flynn. Now I just need to decide on a date.” I pulled up a travel website to buy my ticket and looked over upcoming flights. “I can get out of here as early as Tuesday.”
“Bella, what’s your hurry? We should have some time together before you go. Let me plan a special weekend, and then you can go.”
I couldn’t explain the hysteria that built up in my chest listening to him. I realized I’d been in a holding pattern sitting in that car wash kiosk for two long years, waiting for that van to crash into Flynn so he could show me the way.
Now that I’d seen it and experienced it, I wanted my new adventure to start right away. Waiting a week felt intolerable. I looked at him, contemplating what I was going to do. The world could end before the weekend and I’d never get back to Lebanon.
Or my parents would finally want to discuss Lucy’s last days, and I was so over that, I never wanted to think of it again, to feel the horrible way I’d felt for years afterward. For the first time in my life, I knew I was doing what was right for me.
But I loved Flynn. I knew that one week wouldn’t kill me. If it did, then I was never meant to return to Lebanon, as sad as that thought made me.
“Okay, I’ll leave a week from tomorrow. Monday.”
“Tuesday, please. It will give you a day to recover from our weekend away.”
“Okay, Tuesday it is.”
I was trying to be accommodating, but Tuesday would be as far as I’d bend. Clicking on keys, I made my flight reservations. My heart rate bounded, excitement building. Now the key was to try not to act like I needed to get away as fast as possible. The week stretched out ahead of me, long and boring. Maybe I’d keep working for Skippy.
“I’m going to take a couple of days off this upcoming week,” Flynn said. “We can do lunch and day trips if you’d like.”
“I’m ready. Anything to get out of my head.”
He put down the stack of mail he’d been sorting through and came back to sit next to me. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“You already know everything. I’m ready to leave right now. I just have to reorganize my expectations and wait for another week.”
He sat back, examining his hands. “It just got to me. I’m being pretty selfish.”
