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And being evil right now… It somehow feels good. While Eden watches, I swim to the edge of the pool and hop on the deck. Water streams down my bare legs and my feet leave damp imprints on the polished wood as I turn around and loop an arm lightly around a girl’s waist. Who is the girl? I didn’t look. I lower my head to hers and she tips her lips up, inviting me to kiss her. I do, once, lightly, brushing my lips against hers, and then I pull away, disgusted with myself. The girl is game for more, but I’m not.
I smile and murmur ‘thank you’ to her, and says ‘any time’.
I hear water splashing, and my head whips around just in time to see Eden grab the railing and lift herself out of the water. Her skin is translucent and wet, water dripping from her swimsuit, every part of her gorgeous and delicious as if she was made from my every single fantasy. For me. Especially to ruin me.
She stumbles, and I look at her face sharply. Her cheeks are white. I consider leaping out and going after her, but she wraps herself in one of the white robes the staff have left out for us, and says goodnight.
She dips her head as she runs from the dock, making herself smaller. I remember that little gesture from years ago. I hated it back then, too. It was how I knew she was at her breaking point, and I would immediately abandon whatever I was studying or playing and run over to take her on my lap and kiss the sadness away.
But now, she’s not mine to comfort, or to help.
She’s nothing to me. A wave of bitterness grips me, and the hole inside of me yawns open again. She’s leaving me. Again.
Remember what she did to you. Remember what you decided. Keep it closed, dammit, keep your heart closed, safe. Have you learned nothing?
I feel the armors that had loosened clicking back in place, shielding me again. I close my eyes, trying to wipe the image of that pale, thin face out of my head for good. I can’t believe I almost kissed her a minute ago.Stupid, stupid.Angry music fills my head and my breath quickens with it, blood flowing fast in my veins once more.
Lou has followed me and lays a hand on my back. I shake it off, showering the floor in droplets, mimicking Pooh.
“Can I have a towel, honey?” Lou asks Eden, who has not escaped quickly enough.
Eden turns around and she’s so pale, my heart does a somersault.
“We’re good with towels!” I shout, looking away from Eden’s eyes. To the girl, I hiss: “You’re not even swimming.”
Lou shrugs. “No reason why the hired help shouldn’t do their jobs, is it?”
I dig my nails into my palms so that I won’t pick her up bodily and throw her overboard, into the inky depths of the harbor.
“Listen to me,” I bring my face close to her ear and she must hear the venom in my voice, a determination that has never been there before, because she goes stiff and, for once, listens. “If you ever so much as talk or touch–” I’m out of breath. I try again. “If you ever freakinglookat that girl again, let alone talk to her in that way, I will destroy what little career you think you have.” Her eyes snap up at me, huge and quickly filling with fake tears. “Do you need me to repeat myself?”
She shakes her head, too terrified to reply.
She reaches out a hand, but I swear, if she touches me again right now, I’ll vomit all over her white bra. Pooh comes over and rubs his little body on my leg, sensing my distress.
You have no idea, Pooh.
But his touch is enough to calm me a little, to ground me.
It’s one thing not to have what I want.
It’s quite another having what Idon’t want. And not one single thing that happened at this pool tonight was something I wanted. I watch Eden’s slender, toned legs run over the wet tiles. I watch as she slips and almost falls, unable to help. Jude sees her from across the deck. He gets out of the hot tub, grabs a towel and starts running after her, but she is too fast.
Her wet hair clings like snakes to the delicate bones of her back, and I hung my head, rage and disgust consuming me.
So. This is what I have become.
I said that I would become anything in order to avoid the pain, to make it stop.
And I did.
I became this.
The Elliot sisters chat room
Eden: He almost kissed me.
Eden: He almost freaking kissed me.
