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“Got a problem with that?” I ask, my voice hard again.
“Should I?”
Anger grabs me by the throat. How can she not care? How can she be so calm when I’m drowning?
“Can’t seem to get anywhere with you, Eden, can I?” I smile wolfishly at her. If she wants a war, she’ll get it. How dare she come back into my life, no apology, no nothing, no word about the past, and turn me into this weak-kneed, shaking mess?
“Me neither,” she replies, holding my gaze.
Ok, that’ it. The game is up. I don’t have time for this. She needs punishing and I need revenge. I swoop closer with one flick of my hand in the water and get in her face.
“Why did you come here, Eden? Why?” I say, more softly than I’ve yet spoken to her before. But the softness is deceptive. It’s simmering with rage. “Enlighten me, because this…” I point between her and the deck, “makes zero sense to me.”
“It’s not complicated,” she replies, her eyes lowering through heavy, water-logged eyelashes.Lord, give me strength to look away. I have not believed in God in years, and yet here I am, praying. “What you see is what you get with me. Always has been, from the start.”
She hisses as she inhales, and my eyebrows meet.What the hell does that mean?
Once more, there is nothing between our bodies but a thin film of water. And she’s not kicking away. Well, neither am I. I’m sure she can feel my heart drumming through the water. I’m sure the entire pool is rippling from how much I’m shaking. But I’ll see this through to the end. I have to get an answer from her, a reaction, anything, or I’ll lose my mind.
She’ll give me an answer or she’s out of here, Spence or no Spence.
Our bodies are almost touching. It’s torture, pure torture.
Then I lean down. My lips brush her cheek, and I fight, Ifightto keep my body away from hers, to keep my skin intact, because once it touches hers, I’m gone.
“You know,” I swallow hard, my throat dry in spite of all the water, “you know that I won’t be able to stop.”
She does know, I can see it in her eyes. “Stop what, Isaiah?”
I stop breathing when she says my name. I nearly drown, to be precise; she has to reach out a hand and practically fish me out of the water. That’s how much I forget how to function.
“Kissing you.” It comes out hoarse. “I won’t be able to stop kissing you.”
“You…” her lips are a perfect bow. Her lips her lips her lips.
Lou jumps into the pool suddenly, splashing into me and making me almost push Eden’s head underwater. I barely catch myself, and turn around to yell at her, only to find her watching me with a defiant smile tugging at her lips. She has been watching us all this time, hasn’t she?
Lou looks smug, like forcing Eden and me apart is some sort of triumph for her. Or maybe she thinks she is tempting me by parading around with her tiny bikini and her body on full display.
Little does she know that there is nothing that could take my mind or my eyes away from the girl who is right next to me. My entire attention is on her.
And it’s likely to stay that way.
A feeling of powerlessness washes over me. Not just because of the realization of the power Eden still holds over me—which is true—but because Lou is swimming right up to me and there’s nothing I can do to stop her. She reaches up to wipe the wet locks of hair from my forehead. I’d forgotten they were in my eyes. I lean away from her touch, suddenly disgusted by it.
Eden sees what Lou is doing and turns her head away, presenting me with a view of her peach-rose cheek instead of those plump lips. I snap out of my trance.
Was I about to kiss those lips…?
Was there ever, in the history of bad ideas an idea worse than this?
“You know what?” I hiss to Eden. “This is a really bad idea.”
I smile down at her—a fake, harsh smile. I feel her wilt beside me and something deep down inside me hardens, becomes inhuman. I welcome it. If it’s going to relieve me from this never-ending torture, I’ll become anything.
“If I’m going to kiss someone…” I tip up my chin to the stars. I can smell the chlorine mixed with her shampoo’s perfume on her hair. Her scent is intoxicating, making me weak. Making me make bad decisions. “I might as well kiss a girl who hasn’t or won’t destroy my soul, you know?”
I’m being an unspeakable jerk right now, but I don’t care. The pain is too much and it’s crushing me. It needs an outlet or it will destroy what’s left of me.
