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I huff a sigh, look down, then take off a sock, almost falling over in the process. “Goddammit.”
“Come on Alex, you can do better than that.”
“I’m impaired.”
“It’s your own fault.”
“It’s Huxley’s fault. All right. What kind of Physical Therapy exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats.”
She laughs, then screws up her face and says, “Oh fuck.”
I chuckle and move on. “Victoria!”
“Yeah, go on,” she says. “You know you want to.”
I press a finger between my eyebrows. “Lesbian joke overload.” She’s the first person to make jokes about her sexuality and she’s a good sport, so I have no problem with teasing her about it.
“Give it your best shot,” she calls.
“What’s a lesbian dinosaur called? A lickalotopus.”
“You’re kidding me,” she says. “That’s seriously the best you can come up with?”
Mumbling, I take off my second sock and toss it on top of my shoes. This one’ll get her. “What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?” She shakes her head. “I bet you’ve never had a lentil on your face.”
It takes her a second, but then her lips curve up and she gives a short laugh, while the rest of them burst into giggles. “Yeah, all right,” she says, “that was pretty good.”
“I can’t believe you’re sinking to this level in front of the groom’s mother,” Gaby calls out.
I glance over at Mae, who’s laughing as much as the rest of them. “What do you mean?” I reply. “She’s the one who taught me most of these.”
“I did not!” Mae protests, still laughing.
“You told me the Barbie one,” I remind her, giving her a reproachful look.
She glances around and admits, “I did do that.”
“What’s the Barbie one?” Gaby asks.
“Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?” I say. “Because Ken came in another box.”
Gaby laughs, and I say, “Success!” and move on.
“No!” she complains, “that’s not fair.”
“I told you, I make the rules. Aroha!E mutunga kore ana taku aroha ki a koe.” It means ‘My love for you is endless.’ She pokes her tongue out at me, and I smirk. “Beautician jokes. Hmm. Okay. Fifty dollars in hair extensions were stolen from a hair salon in Riccarton. Police are combing the area for clues.”
She laughs without meaning to. “That was terrible,” she says.
“I know.” I grin and move on. “Elizabeth.”
She folds her arms. I know she’s going to do her best to make this difficult for me.
“Chemistry jokes,” I say. “Right. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.”
The others all whoop, but she shakes her head and flicks her fingers at me.
I remove a cufflink, show it to her, and put it on the table. “Okay. What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.”
