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Chase is silent for a few seconds, some more of the anger draining from his expression. "Really?"
"Really." I sit on the floor. "Look, you can ask me anything, and I'll answer it honestly. And you can be mad at me too honey, since this is all my fault. But it's not Luke's. And I don't think you should punish him for something I did."
28
LUKE
Mia comes down the stairs,looking suitably exhausted, but she gives me a weak smile as she descends.
When she's on the last step, I take her hand and draw her closer, wrapping her in my arms.
“How is he?” I ask.
She shrugs a little tiredly, resting against me. “As well as can be expected I guess. He’s taking it better than I thought.”
“Can I talk to him, now?’
Her eyes widen as though she never expected me to ask permission to see my son. But I never want to do anything to hurt Chase, even accidentally, and I would never presume that I know him better than his mom.
“Of course.” She’s about to say something else but then catches sight of Billy, who’s standing at the corner of the room, peeping out the windows. He’s been doing that since we got back. Part of me thinks he’s only doing it to avoid my stare and the very difficult conversation I want to have with him.
A conversation that may or may not involve fists. I'm not usually the violent type but Billy put my family in danger. That's a call for violence within any man.
Mia gives me a look that seems to suggest her surprise that Billy's still here. I shrug in response. I'm mad at the guy for bringing danger right to my doorstep and threatening the three most important people in my life. But if I throw him out, we might never get to the bottom of what the hell’s going on.
“The police are on their way,” I tell Mia. “Try to stay on alert for now. When they get here, we'll unpack everything."
She takes a deep breath and nods. I give her a brief kiss on the forehead and Billy glances over. I shoot Billy a warning look and he instantly looks away, red-faced.
I start heading upstairs. Mikey’s up in his room. He's probably distracting himself with his iPad, but I can tell he's tense. I regret that we had that conversation in front of him, but there was no other way.
I'll check in on him after my talk with Chase.
I think of telling Mia to go stay with Mikey, but I know she wants to talk to Billy right now. And despite finding out that he's a mercenary, or a mercenary IT guy, I know Billy wouldn't hurt her. He seems genuinely freaked out at the idea of his ex-girlfriend going after her
If anything, it might be Mia who ends up offing him because of how pissed off she was with him today.
I smile at the thought of Billy cowering for Mia, who is half his size, but the smile falls off as I approach Chase’s room. I hesitate, hand on doorknob, and finally admit to myself, the feelings churning within.
I’m scared. Scared that Chase won't want me to be his father. I will always be his dad regardless, but a rejection would hurt, especially since he probably feels abandoned, and lied to by me.
I know what it feels like to be the kid in that scenario.
As much as it shames me to say, I treated my dad like dirt after my parent's divorce. I took my mom’s side and didn’t respond to any of my dad's attempts to reach me. In my eyes, he ruined our family. He neglected my mom and made her feel like shit. He deserved my perpetual scorn.
It wasn't until I grew up that I realized how ridiculous I was being. And while I know that my dad played a role in the divorce, it was probably more complicated than my pre-teen mind could comprehend.
Now I’m scared that Chase’ll do the same to me, and make me pay for my absence for the rest of my life.
I take a deep breath and soldier on. Nothing to do but take it on the neck. He can hate me if he wants but I’ll always be his dad. That means being around and taking care of him, whether he wants me to or not.
When I open the door, I’m surprised to find that Chase doesn't look mad, as I expect. He looks nearly as apprehensive as I feel. There’s fear in his eyes as well.
I smile. “Hi, Buddy.”
“Hey,” he says, and shifts uncomfortably, looking around.
I walk forward. “Can I hug you?”
