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He jerks his head back in my direction. “I wouldn’t get too excited there. You have a bow on.”
Facts.
“Fair.” Lucas nods in agreement then looks over at me and admits. “Yeah that’s fair statement.”
“You’re an asshole,” I tell him.
“And you’re a clown.”
“Just wait until I take this clown suit off,” I warn him.
He holds his hands up like he’s afraid. “Will you keep the bow on?”
Tumnas aka Eric finds this comment hilarious. I hate him too. Absolutely feel no sympathy for him or that shit costume he’s wearing.
Tumnas, my ass…
Lucas rubs his hands together and stands up, “All right, it’s been fun. Honestly, so amusing and fulfilling in multiple ways. Like I’m happy with all of my life decisions now more than ever.”
I’m sure he is.
“Make sure not to cuss,” Lucas tells us. “And just a gentle reminder, try and be happy, enjoy the haunted house and the psychopath fans… I mean, who knows, you could find love with one?”
God, I want to kill him. I will kill him. Damn it, I also know he’s freakishly fast and I’m in full costume.
He catches himself and looks around like the cameras are already on us. “Don’t get me wrong, I love our fans. But this is next level and I don’t mean that in a bad way, I mean that in a run of the mill observing your fans and the level of the crazy in a way.”
“Is this talk supposed to make us feel better?” I ask him.
Lucas goes on like he didn’t hear me.
“I just feel like they could have grabbed some less aggressive ones for you guys, I just saw Rae in his tiger costume and one of the girls jumped on his back begging for a ride then started like, gyrating against him and she wasn’t even sure which member it was.”
I nod and try not to laugh as the picture comes to mind.
“She wanted tail.”
“She wanted something,” Lucas agrees.
Eric tries to lift his hoof and fails since he forgets he can’t see shit, then lowers his foot or hoof or whatever we’re calling it again and hangs his head in dejection. I can feel the sadness and disgrace emanating from him.
“Why did we agree to this?”
The trailer goes silent.
Finally I say it. “Contractually, you don’t have a choice. When you have a comeback they own your ass. You just have to nod your head, smile, hope your label promotes you, and then when you finally make them a ton of money they tell you they knew it was going to go great—and then they find the next shiny toy to play these games.”
“But it’s not a game,” Eric says. “It’s my life.”
“It is a game,” I tell him. “And you willingly signed up to play it… as a horse with man parts.”
“Hilarious.” Eric grumbles.
“I’m out.” Lucas opens the door.
Standing right there in the frame like something right out of a horror movie come to life, is a giant Spider. Well, it’s someone in a spider costume which I’m not even sure how they got the legs attached around the waist, but they’re dangling to the ground.
It could always be worse, I think to myself.
