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And he proves my suspicion when he says, “Ro, I need you to understand how imperative it is that you survive.”
Scrubbing my cheeks, I smear away the remainder of my tears and hope I can somehow erase my humiliation as well. “You don’t want to disappoint your kings and queens. I get it.”
“No. That’s not it at all.” Kai steps toward me but stops himself before he gets too close. “Don’t you know howpreciousyou are?”
“I wouldn’t describe myself as that, no.” I squirm a little from the compliment.
“There’s a pure goodness in you that’s rare,” Kai insists. “In fact, what I see in you, I’ve never seen before. You’re so open. So honest. With faeries, you learn to spot their deceitful intentions. We’re known for our constant calculation. Our manipulation. Our need to strive for the best outcome for ourselves. But you… you don’t have that.”
“Hence, the weakness,” I deadpan because what he’s saying isn’t a good thing.
“No, not weak,” he contradicts. “Special. It makes you special, and when I think about you being wiped from existence, it…” He balls his fist over his chest as if he’s squeezing his heart. “It does something to me.”
If his tone were less passionate, it might sound like a reasonable statement from a loyal warrior tasked with the rescue of a beloved queen.
But with Kai’s guttural rasp, it seems like it’s more than that.
It seems personal.
“What does it do?” I whisper, surprised by how intimate this conversation has gotten.
His eyes dip to my mouth, and his attention lingers. He licks his lips, and for a second, I could swear he’s thinking about kissing me. “It makes me feel devastation like I’ve never known.”
“Why?” I press, feeling like we’re on the verge of a pivotal moment. I don’t know what the moment is—I just know there’s this heightened emotion around us. “Why do I matter to you?”
“I—I cannot explain it.” He shakes his head, his eyebrows pinched together like he’s just as rattled by his words as I am. Before I can delve deeper into this, he grunts, “Let’s go. The faster we get out of here, the better.”
Determination blankets his face, and he resumes his walk.
My head is spinning from the sharp end to our discussion, but I follow, quickly striding to keep up with how fast his long legs carry him. Twirling his sword, he reverts back to warrior mode like the last few minutes didn’t happen.
It’s a fae thing. Get uncomfortable, change the subject.
It’s probably for the best. If we keep talking, I might blurt out something I’ll wish I hadn’t.
I completely understand what Kai means when he refers to my transparency. I’m not a beat-around-the-bush kind of gal, and I’m not great at hiding my feelings. The only way for me to keep my opinion to myself is to keep my mouth shut. Because when I speak, the unfiltered truth comes out, no matter how much I try to disguise it with tricky words or riddles.
But that doesn’t make me a good person like Kai claims. It just makes me vulnerable. Being an open book turns me into a living, breathing instruction manual for anyone who wants to hurt me.
For a while, the Lost Land made all my pages go blank. I had nothing to show because I was empty. But little by little, and with barely any effort at all, Kai has changed that in a very short amount of time.
Just by being in his presence, he’s brought me back to life.
Whether I like it or not, I think it’s safe to say whatever shell of a person he found behind Armand’s throne no longer exists, and it almost feels like that version of myself is a bad dream I’ve woken up from.
Unfortunately, I know our nightmare is just beginning.
Ro
“We’ll be at the courtyard in a few minutes.” I can’t stop the worry from bleeding through in my statement. “That’s the halfway point.”
“And you’re wondering why we haven’t encountered any conflict yet,” Kai concludes.
“Well, yeah. We’re in this dangerous game. So where’s all the danger?”
“Perhaps the courtyard is where our first test will be.”
“Maybe.” The suggestion doesn’t make me feel any better.
