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Glancing at my phone I see that there are no missed calls or messages from Lennox. My heart sinks a little.
At home, I grab a big fluffy blanket and flick the television on as I get comfortable on the couch. I feel horrible and my abdomen is still cramping. I will get as much rest as I can today and tomorrow. Thank goodness it is the weekend. Then I can see how I feel on Sunday night. I might be forced to take a few days off work, but I would like to avoid that. As it is, I am lucky that I still have my job, even though Lennox and I are no longer together.
With the tv on softly in the background I drift off to sleep.
That night I order takeout and as soon as I have eaten, I climb into bed, feeling exhausted.
I slept all of Sunday as well. Whenever I do wake up, I reach over to check my phone, but Lennox has not called. It hurts me deeply that he is only on the other side of that wall, right next to my apartment, yet so incredibly far away. I stare at the blank screen of my phone telling me I have no new messages and sigh, rolling over and burying my face in the pillow I close my eyes again and soon drift off to sleep.
On Monday morning I feel heavy and groggy, but I get up and head to work. I move slowly as though I am in a dream. Walking into the building I can feel something is different. It feels tense. What is going on?
I go to the locker rooms to put my stuff down and I see one of the girls lean close to another nurse and I hear them whisper. I don't catch everything she says but I do hear the word pregnant. Shit. No. This can't be.
I do my best to get through the morning. In the first surgery of the day, I struggled the most while standing next to Lennox. The air is thick with tension and the other nurses can see exactly what is going on. So now they know I am pregnant, and they know that Lennox and I are not getting along.
I guess they know everything. It would have come out eventually; I try and reassure myself that it is not as bad as it feels, but I am filled with embarrassment and shame every time I walk past someone and see them leaning close to their friends and whispering. I know they are talking about me.
Lennox hardly said two words to me during the surgery and straight after he disappeared. I feel so incredibly alone. I want to call my parents, but I know I can't do that. I want to talk to my friends here at the hospital, but I know I can't do that either.
Near the end of the day, I am sitting in the break room. Holding my belly as it cramps and the muscles spasm. I breathe through the pain and focus on taking those slow breaths in and out. I open my eyes when I hear a chair being pulled away from a table and Jason sits down opposite me.
"Pregnant?" he whispers. "Is it true that it is Dr. Blake's baby?"
I sigh. I don't even have the energy to deny it. "How does everyone know I am pregnant?" I ask tiredly.
"Oh, come on, Em. Half of the nurses here also work at the clinic in town, the one you went to this weekend. They saw you there."
"Of course." How can I be such an idiot? So many of these nurses are casuals and just fill in shifts at a number of different hospitals and clinics. I guess I was not thinking that clearly when everything happened.
I look up at Jason. He waits for me to say something, but I do not have anything to say.
Jason probes further "So what then? Are you guys together or what? Because it does not seem that way? Everyone says you did not even speak to each other in the surgery this morning?"
Everyone?
I can't tell for sure, but I don't feel like he is here for me as a friend. I feel like he is just here to try and get the low down on what is happening.
I sigh "I don't really want to talk about it, Jason."
"Oh - right - of course. Sorry, Em. Of course." I can see he has realized what he is doing, and he reaches out and squeezes my arm. "Hang in there ok." He gets up to leave.
I nod.
Hang in there. Sure.
When I looked around to see who was watching I noticed that basically, the entire table of nurses in the far corner was waiting for Jason to come back and give them feedback.
I sigh and stand up. I can't sit here anymore. I need to get out of here.
As I am leaving the break room I walk straight into Lennox.
"Emma." He says bluntly.
"Lennox." I say, desperately wanting to say more.
We stand there for a moment, frozen in time, staring at each other. Then he steps around me and walks away. My heart sinks for the hundredth time today.
I need to go home. There are no more surgeries, and everyone knows what is happening and I need to get out of here.
