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I glanced over at Christian, who looked less confident than his teammate.
“We’ve been looking for someone like her since Indianapolis,” Braden went on. “Someone willing to be shared—”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” I barked. “I’ve got too much on my mind.”
“Right, right.” He squeezed my shoulder again. “We’re here for you, buddy.”
I clenched my teeth, but wasn’ttooannoyed. Braden was more of a Golden Retriever than his dog Pickles, happy and enthusiastic no matter the situation. He was a good friend, even when he was pissing me off.
That was still a strange feeling: having supportive friends. My sister and I grew up without any friends or family we could rely on. Even now, having known these two guys for half a decade, the urge to send them home and do this alone was strong.
They’re more than just friends at this point,I thought.They’re the closest family I have. Even without Emily and Leslie getting married and cementing the bond.
We pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home and went inside. It was like stepping into another world. Soft, muted lighting cast a gentle, soothing glow over floral arrangements and rows of pews. An air of quiet respect permeated the two dozen guests who lingered in the space with hushed conversations and whispered condolences.
I hated it.
“This was a mistake,” I said. “Let’s go.”
I tried to turn around, but my friends put their hands on my back and nudged me forward. “We drove half an hour to get here. The least you could do is stay for a few minutes,” Christian said.
“The casket is over there,” Braden said, pointing.
“Don’t want to see the body.”
There was nobody around that I recognized, but I drew plenty of stares. They didn’t recognize me from my days dating Caroline, because that only lasted a few months. They knew me—orthoughtthey knew me—because I was the most famous player for the Blues. On most days, that kind of recognition annoyed me. Today, it was insufferable.
“Excuse me,” a woman said, stepping up to me. “Logan Landry?” A little girl in a black dress and white bow stood behind her, staring down at the ground.
“I’m not here to sign autographs or take selfies.” I walked up the aisle between the pews to get away from her and the other guests who undoubtedly wanted something from me. That took me in the direction of the casket, which was up on a pedestal at the end of the room. Once I was moving in that direction, I decided I might as well take a look. It was just a body.
The casket was plainly built, the kind that was only out on display to convince customers to buy the more expensive ones. I forced myself to walk right up to it and peer inside.
There she is.
Sorrow welled up inside me at the sight of Caroline. She looked so much like I remembered, and yet totally different at the same time. I didn’t know if that was because of the years taking a toll on her, or all the makeup and chemicals used to make it appear that she was only sleeping.
“Caroline…” I breathed. She was my first love. The first person I ever allowed myself to trust, other than Emily. A chaotic flurry of emotions swirled inside of me at the sight of her, and not just because I had lost my virginity to her in college. In the back of my head, I had always wondered if she wasthe one. Fuck, I didn’t even think I believed in that, but if it existed then it was Caroline. My hand reached out to stroke her cheek, but I pulled it back. If I touched her icy skin, it would ruin the illusion.
According to the phone call I had received last week, the cause of death was some sort of overdose. That surprised me. She rarely drank alcohol back in college, let alone harder drugs.
What happened to you, Caroline?I wondered.
The emotions were swirling faster, like a tornado that would rip me apart from the inside. I started to turn away from the casket, which is when I saw the little girl in the black dress and white bow standing next to me.
“Was she your friend?” the girl asked me.
“No,” I replied. “Not really.”
She cocked her head at me. “Then why are you here?”
“I don’t really know.”
“That’s silly,” she said. “You should know why you do something before you do it.”
“Life isn’t that simple.”
She frowned up at me again. “Why not?”
