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There was a darkness in his eyes I didn’t recognize, and fear vibrated through my body. It was clear he was struggling with everything that had happened. Not just Drew’s diagnosis but the loss of Mack and being in the crash. The last thing he needed was to be on his own, yet if I didn’t let him go, I was going to be another person in his life who smothered him. Just like last time, I had to hold in my fears and let him go his own way. I had to trust him.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Just away from here. I’ll call you in an hour, okay?”
With a weak smile, I nodded. Honestly, I couldn’t believe he was going to leave me there, knowing how awkward it would be, but I understood why he had to go. I just wished I could go with him.
Jason kissed me on the cheek, then practically fled out of the waiting room. I took a couple of deep breaths, reminding myself it was only for an hour. One hour and he’d check in with me, and hopefully, he’d let me go to him.
“See?” Ellie said. “He left you. He left Drew. And this is a guy you want to be with.”
I rounded on her, eyes blazing. I knew I was supposed to be understanding, that she wasn’t thinking straight, but her words were downright out of order, and I was done.
“I don’t know what the hell has been wrong with you for the last few weeks, but I am sick of it! Remember who was there for you last year when everything fell apart for you? Me. I was there when the press were hounding you, when you outright lied to cover for Jason, when Drew left you. I was there the whole time until you sorted things out. My repayment? You treating me like a child and treating Jason like he’s an asshole for caring about me. You are way out of line for the things you just said to him. He was there when the bus crashed. He lived it. He saw his brother almost dead, and he lost one of his best friends. And one more thing to note. If it hadn’t been for all the drama, I would have been on the bus too. While you were ignoring my existence, maybe you should have considered that I could be lying in a body bag right now too!”
Tears rained down my cheeks as I realized how true that was. On shaky legs, I ran out of the room and somehow found my way to the hospital’s cafeteria. I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten there, but I found a seat in the corner of the large room, curled myself up on one of the plastic chairs and cried my heart out.
The stress of the last few weeks, the worry of the last twenty-four hours, the pain of feeling so distant from my sister and mother poured out of me in body-wracking sobs. I cried for Drew, and for Mack, and for Michael, and Joey, and Jason because he was suffering, maybe more than all of us, because while he experienced the same worries as the rest of us, his own guilt and the torment of being in the crash weighed down on him along with everything else.
I cried until I was out of tears and a dull pounding ached my head. I peeled myself off my chair and ordered a coffee. There was no way I wanted to even think about going back to the waiting room, so I spent the next hour in the cafeteria, waiting for Jason to call.
After an hour and fifteen minutes of no phone call, the uneasiness in my gut began to make itself known again. I hadn’t thought through what I’d do if Jason didn’t call me. Trying to think rationally, I realized we were in a strange place. It wasn’t like we were still in Munich, and Jason would know where to score some cocaine if he wanted. Maybe that wasn’t even on his mind, but the idea that it could be because it was his go-to thing when times got rough made my palms sweat. I pulled out my phone to call him, but it went straight to voicemail. I waited a few minutes, just in case he had temporarily lost signal, but still nothing.
What I needed to do was go back to the ICU waiting room and check if anyone else had heard from him. It was unlikely he’d have called Ellie, but maybe his dad or Joey. Just as the thought had formed in my mind, Joey entered the cafeteria, and I jumped up from my seat.How was that for timing?
When he saw me, he walked toward me, and I met him in the middle of the room.
“Lucy, are you okay?”
I shook my head. “Jason didn’t call, his phone’s off, and I’m not sure what to do.”
Joey blew out a breath. “I thought this might happen. That’s why I came to see if you were still around.” He put his arms around me and gave me a hug. “We’ll go back to the hotel and look there, and if he isn’t there, we’ll… well, we will think of something.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
We headed out of the hospital and got a cab to the hotel. As Joey and I sat in the back seat, I tried to control the sick feeling that had curled itself in my stomach. Beside me, Joey sat rigid, and I knew he was as anxious as me. In fact, it was probably worse for him because his family still hadn’t arrived, and he was very much alone since he’d lost his best friend. I suspected, much like Jason, he was still in shock and denial, and keeping himself busy was the best way he knew how to deal with it.
“How are you doing, Joey?” I placed my hand over his, and he turned his head from the window toward me.
“Tired and confused.”
I only just noticed how much darker the circles under his eyes had gotten in the past hour, and his skin was still void of color. Seeing him that way was unsettling. He was the joker of the group, the one who was always carefree. He was rarely seen without a smile on his face, high on living the life he’d always dreamed of.
“I can’t believe any of this has happened,” he said. “One minute we were having the time of our lives, the next we were all in hospital and… Mack was gone.”
“I can’t believe it either. From the second Mum told me what happened, it’s like I’ve been in some kind of bubble. I understand that this awful thing has happened, but I can’t seem to take it in properly. It doesn’t feel real yet.”
“I don’t think it will for a long time. Not until the funeral, at least. Maybe longer.”
I’d never been to a funeral before, and the idea of it caused a shiver to run through my body. Joey turned his hand over in mine and gently squeezed. He must have felt my coldness.
“What happened after I left the waiting room, Joey?”
He sighed. “Lots of crying. I left and went to sit with Drew because I didn’t want to intrude. I’m sorry this has happened to your family. For what it’s worth, I don’t think any of it is necessary, and what you said was true. Things are falling apart, but it could be so much worse. They could have lost you. We could all be dead. And I think Jason was right too. The way they’ve treated you has been shitty. And over what? A relationship that makes more sense than it probably should.” He chuckled softly. “It shouldn’t work. You know, the age gap and all his issues. But anyone who’s seen you together will get it. More than anything, you’re friends, and no matter what happens, you’ll always have that.”
Why could Joey see that so easily, but everyone else saw something dirty and disgusting? Why couldn’t everyone give us a chance?
“Thank you, Joey.”
