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"Who?"
"A f-fox."
Cassidy took River in his arms as they wept, relieved that he didn’t have to add harboring a fugitive to the list of hurdles in a new relationship. The cold of their coat said they’d been outside a while before ringing the doorbell.
"Oh, sweetheart."
He stroked River’s hair back, and held them tightly. Slowly, their breathing slowed and steadied.
"Can you come look?" River asked hoarsely.
"Of course."
Cassidy tugged on his shoes and coat and followed River to their car. When they turned around, they held a fox cradled to their chest.
"I don’t …" They broke off, shaking their head, and held the fox out.
Cassidy was surprised by the magnitude of his desire to look River in the eye and tell them the animal was okay. Watch the sadness and guilt clear from their face and the sun come back in their eyes.
It broke his heart that he couldn’t.
"I’m sorry," Cassidy said, and River dissolved into sobs.
It had begun to snow.
River had let themself be led inside and out of their coat, and let Cassidy wrap a wool blanket that had been his mother’s around their shoulders. They’d stopped crying; now their eyes were blank and inward-focused.
"Fuck, I can’t believe I killed him." River said, raising tearful eyes to Cassidy. "I fucking ended his life forever. I’m death! For a whole neighborhood of foxes, I’m fucking death."
Cassidy bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling at how damn cute River was. He knew it was wrong to think that while they were so distressed, but everything about them made Cassidy want to hold them tight and soothe them.
He settled for rubbing River’s blanket-draped shoulders.
"Don’t be so hard on yourself," Cassidy said gently. "I get you’re upset you killed her, but it was an accident."
River looked horrified.
"Oh god, I misgendered her! I murdered and misgendered her, I’m a monster."
Cassidy couldn’t help laughing then. He pulled River into a hug.
"Can I tell you a secret?"
River frowned. "Is it actually a secret this time?"
"Huh?"
"Last time you said you were gonna tell me a secret and then it wasn’t a secret."
"What did I say?"
"I don’t remember," River said, throwing their arms wide. "It didn’t end up being a secret!"
Cassidy wracked his brain.
"Yeah, no clue."
They sat there staring at each other. Tear tracks had dried tight on River’s cheeks and their hair was a mess. Pink puffed the delicate skin of their eyelids and they’d bitten a tender spot in the center of their lower lip.
Now that Cassidy knew how River’s lips felt against his own and it made him wonder if he’d taste the thinness of River’s skin, how close the blood was to its surface in the spot they’d worried red.
"Um, I have ADHD," Cassidy said, wrenching his eyes away. "My memory is a little, uh, variable."
River nodded and leaned their head on his shoulder.
"So what’s the secret this time?" they asked.
"Wait, what?"
River chuckled and scrubbed hands over their face.
"Where did you …?"
"I put her in the freezer downstairs."
"Is that where you keep all your …"
"Mhm. Just to give you a little time to think what you’d like done with her."
"Fuuuuck," River groaned.
"Oh, I remember what I was gonna say," Cassidy said brightly. "I was going to say that I have a lot of firsthand knowledge about this topic. And almost everyone who lives around here has hit an animal while driving. The longer you live in a rural place, the more likely it gets."
"I’ll have to get Gus to calculate and explain the probability to me," they muttered.
"What’s that?"
"Nothing, ignore me, sorry."
They dropped their head between their knees, blew out a harsh breath, and raked a hand through their hair.
Cassidy could practically feel the guilt and sadness coming off them and his heart hurt for River.
"Okay, you wanna know a real secret?" he offered.
River shrugged.
"You cannot tell a soul," Cassidy baited, pitching his voice low and gossipy.
River looked curious and annoyed about it.
"Fine, what?"
Gotcha.
"You know Mrs. Arkady?"
River wrinkled up their nose in thought. "The ancient librarian?"
"Yeah. She hit a lynx."
"Holy shit, seriously?"
"On my life, carried it in here in a bowling bag with her name stitched on it."
"God, she’s like the size of a bowling bag herself," River said, wide-eyed.
"I’m just saying I wouldn’t wanna mess with her," Cassidy said.
River smiled.
"It’s always the quiet ones, huh?"
"You tell me," Cassidy said. "I’ve never been what you’d call quiet."
"Oh you should definitely watch out for us," River said. "Especially if you’re a fox."
Cassidy laughed, then clapped a hand over his mouth.
"Too soon?" River asked.
"Never too soon to make yourself feel better," Cassidy said. "I’ve hit a deer, two squirrels, and a frog."
River winced.
"All accidents. The deer nearly killed me."
Cassidy shuddered at the memory. Only a moment, but a moment when he’d been sure he was about to die, then sweet relief slid through his bowels and the steering wheel stopped an inch from his sternum.
