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River wished they were recording this to play for Adam later. They schooled their face to seriousness and nodded.
"That’s considerate of you."
Satisfied that her consideration had been properly acknowledged, Gus went back to her math homework and River, freed from any need to assist her, picked up their phone and let their mind wander to Cassidy.
Cassidy, who’d been so flexible when they asked to change plans; who’d been kind and supportive when they got lost in that memory of Marina; who’d been fun and spontaneous and up for a prank.
Cassidy, whose kiss had been hot and sweet and gentle and promised so much more, if River wanted it.
Cassidy, who had asked them out on a second date.
"Are you trying to figure out where to take that guy in our bushes on a date?"
Heat rose in River’s cheeks and they turned their phone over on the table so results of the search Where to take someone on a second date were no longer visible to Gus’ prying eyes.
"Has your dad discussed nosiness with you yet?" River grumbled.
"Yes. He says it’s not polite and can make people feel uncomfortable. But how do you know what questions will make someone uncomfortable? I wouldn’t be uncomfortable if someone asked me a question. If I didn’t wanna answer then I wouldn’t."
River was swamped with the cocktail of feelings they often experienced when hanging out with Gus: intense relief that she was herself easily and without compromise and a guilty kind of envy that they were not.
"There’s no good way to explain it or know for sure," River said. "But usually, if someone is doing something alone, like looking at their phone, then looking at it and commenting on it when they didn’t ask you is considered rude."
"Oh. That’s helpful."
She went back to her math book. Neon the cat ran into the kitchen in pursuit of something invisible to the human eye, and River went back to their phone.
All the suggestions for dates seemed to be for people in urban areas: art gallery tours and hot air balloon rides and being a tourist in your own city.
"Okay, but since I did see your phone, it’s silly to pretend I didn’t see it,” Gus said. “Right? So can I ask?"
River smiled and put the phone away.
"Yeah, yeah, fine. I have a date with Cassidy on Thursday and I don’t know what we should do."
"What exactly makes something a date?" Gus asked, eyeing the rules for factoring in her math book.
"There aren’t rules. It could be anything. But you want it to be something special, I guess? Something you wouldn’t do every day. And it’s good if it’s something that helps you get to know the other person."
"Can you give me an example?"
River could hear Adam’s intonation whenever Gus said that—he’d swapped it in for her previous choice, What are you talking about?
"Yeah, like dinner and a movie is a classic date. Or going to a play or a concert."
"Dinner?" Gus said. "You have dinner every day. That’s not special!"
"True. Dinner at a nice restaurant where you dress up, which you wouldn’t always do."
"So going on a date is taking normal stuff and doing it fancier so you don’t notice it’s normal?" Gus asked.
"Uh, kind of, actually."
"Honestly, grown-ups are so stupid," Gus said dismissively. "Dinner is not fun. And watching a movie is what you do if you don’t want to have to talk to someone."
"Okay, Gus, what would you want to do on a date?"
She shrugged. "Whatever I feel like doing. Then you know you’re gonna have fun and you get to hang out with someone you like. Like when you keep me company while I do math."
River smiled. Grown-ups, they had to agree, really were quite stupid about some things.
CHAPTER 18
Cassidy
Dress comfortably and come over at 7?
That was all River’s text had said, but of course Cassidy had agreed instantly.
When the doorbell rang a little before five, he’d just gotten out of the shower.
"’S open!" he called to Nora, pulling on sweats to go meet her in the kitchen. But instead of his sister’s usual, 'Hi, honey, I’m home!' in the voice of a cheesy fifties’ dad, the doorbell rang again.
"Get your ass in—" Cassidy said as he pulled the door open.
But it wasn’t Nora. It was River, and they were crying and shaking with cold.
Cassidy’s heart started pounding.
“River? What’s wrong?”
"I th-think I k-killed them," they sobbed.
A thousand thoughts crash-landed in Cassidy’s brain—worst case scenarios and unrelated hopes and the errant focus on a small beauty mark above River’s left eyebrow.
"Why don’t you come inside where it’s warm and you can tell me what happened," Cassidy said, but River shook their head.
"I went out to get food for tonight and on the way back I, I, it just … and I hit it."
The words tumbled out of River in a horrified slurry. They hung their head.
