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"Yeah, I know," I mutter, my stomach twisting at the mention of his name. "But I still can't be with him."
"Look, I'm not here to convince you to go back to Teddy," Evelyn says, her voice tinged with sadness. "I just wanted you to know how remorseful he is, how he's not himself."
"What am I supposed to do about that?" I ask, my voice cracking.
"Nothing, I guess," she sighs. "But you both seem pretty miserable without each other."
As she finishes her examination, Evelyn gives me a small smile. "You're in good health, Raven. If you need anything, don't hesitate to contact me." She hands me her card before slipping out the door.
I'm still holding Evelyn's card when another knock startles me. I shove the card into a pocket before opening the door to find Mother Superior standing there, her face set in a stern expression.
“Sister, you have another visitor," she says, eyeing me carefully.
"Who is it?" I ask, even though I already know the answer.
"The man who comes to see you every single day."
"Tell him to go away," I say, bitterness seeping into my voice. "He shouldn't be here."
Mother Superior studies me for a moment, her eyes searching mine. "I don't think you're ready to truly take your vows and commit yourself to the life of a pensive nun."
"Excuse me?" I bristle, feeling the anger rise within me. "Why not?"
"Because you're running from this man," she says gently, but with authority. "God cannot be a way to run away from something; He should be something to run to."
"I can't trust Teddy after what happened between us," I argue, my hands balling into fists at my sides.
"Consider the story of the prodigal son," Mother Superior suggests, her voice softening. "Did the father distrust his child when he returned after running from his family? Or did he rejoice that his son had come back and repented?"
Her words sink in, stirring up a whirlwind of conflicting emotions within me. I feel like I'm standing on a precipice, unsure whether to leap or retreat. But Mother Superior holds my gaze, her eyes filled with wisdom and understanding.
"Follow your heart,” she advises, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
The decision feels heavy, like I'm making a choice that will change the course of my life.
"Will you truly not support me taking vows?" I ask meekly.
Mother Superior sighs. "I think that you should see this man. God brings him to your doorstep each day, and you turn him away. See him, confront your demons. Then if you still feel sure that you want to proceed with your vows, I will support that decision."
Her words linger in the air as she leaves, the click of the door shutting echoing around me. I stand there and my breathing goes shallow and rapid. I know she's right. I need to see Teddy. I just hope I have the courage to do it.
ChapterForty-Four
I spot Evelyn in the parking lot of the convent as I pull in. Her presence is a goddamn beacon in this dreary place. "Evelyn!" I shout, rolling my window down and waving her over. She walks toward me, concern etched on her face.
"Is Raven okay?" I ask, my voice laced with worry.
"Physically, she's fine," she says, pausing for a moment before continuing, "but it's clear you two are dealing with something much deeper."
"Yeah, tell me about it," I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. "I don't know what to do if she keeps pushing me away."
Evelyn places a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Just be yourself, Teddy."
"Who even am I anymore?" I mutter, feeling lost in the chaos of my own life.
"Find out who you are before trying to be with someone else," she advises with a gentle smile. "And remember, you can call me anytime."
"Thanks, Evie," I say, nodding at her as I step out of the car.
