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"Because I was scared," I admit, my voice cracking. "I was scared of hurting you, or anyone else. I never wanted to hurt anyone."
Teddy's grip on me tightens, and the vulnerability in his eyes speaks volumes. "But why run away? What were you trying to accomplish by cutting yourself off from everyone who cared about you?"
“No one cared about me,” I say, sadness coating my words.
“Bullshit!” Teddy exclaims. “You knew I cared about you. How could you not?”
“It was one night,” I say, my eyes filling with the start of tears.
“When you have what we have, Darkness, one night is all it takes.”
I swallow hard, my throat suddenly feeling dry. I know he’s right. I knew the moment I stepped out of that hotel room that I was going to break his heart, but I convinced myself that it was for the best. That he would be better off without me. “I thought if I ran away and kept away from people, that maybe I could keep everyone safe."
"Safe?" He looks at me like I've lost my mind, and maybe I have. But in this moment, with him holding me close and the storm raging outside, it's the only truth I know.
The rain continues to tap against the roof, creating an eerie rhythm as it mixes with the distant rumble of thunder. The room feels heavy with emotion and my chest constricts as I try to process everything I'm feeling. Despite the storm outside, there's a strange sense of comfort in being held by him – like the world could fall apart around us and we'd still be safe within each other's arms.
“I just never wanted to hurt you,” I repeat.
His grip on me tightens, and he starts to gently run his fingers through my hair. "We all hurt people," he says softly, almost like he's talking to himself as much as he's talking to me. "You can never not hurt someone."
I frown, not really understanding what he means. "What are you talking about?"
"Think about it," he continues, his voice barely above a whisper. "Literally our first act in this world is to hurt someone. Every baby that is born hurts their mother through the delivery. That's just the way of nature. In fact, we have tolearnhow to smile and laugh and see the positive in things."
I've never thought about it that way before, and it makes me wonder if maybe I've been too hard on myself. "Is that why you're always laughing and smiling?" I ask, genuinely curious.
He smiles at my question, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "In a way, yeah. I live in a world full of hurt and sadness, and I never wanted to let it consume me. My smile is my coat of armor, and my jokes are my shield."
I can't help but feel a pang of envy. "I never had anything like that. I never learned how to protect myself from the cruelties of the outside world."
Teddy's expression softens, and his thumb brushes away a tear that's managed to escape from the corner of my eye. "That's okay, you know? You can learn. And in the meantime, I'll be that for you."
As he says those words, a sense of warmth and security washes over me. It's like a blanket being draped around my shoulders, shielding me from the cold and the chaos outside. For the first time in a long time, I feel truly safe, and it's all because of him.
"Thank you," I whisper, burying my face into his chest as another peal of thunder echoes through the room.
"Always," he murmurs back, holding me close as the storm continues to rage outside.
I feel safe in his arms, but there's something gnawing at me, a question I can't keep bottled up any longer.
"Teddy," I begin hesitantly, "why are you doing all this for me?"
He turns to look at me, his blue eyes sincere and unwavering. "Because I love you."
I frown, not understanding. "But what does that even mean? 'Love'?"
"There's nothing to understand," he says softly, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear. "It's just a truth."
"I guess I don't really understand love, but I want to." It's an unfair thing of me to say, considering I confessed it to him just moments earlier. But, maybe there's a difference between feeling something and understanding something.
He tilts his head, considering. "What about your faith? Don't you love God?"
I glance away, feeling a knot form in my chest. Images from my past flicker in my mind, memories I'd buried deep within me, hoping never to unearth again. "I... I think I was using faith as a way to escape my past because I couldn't process it. I don't really know what I believe right now."
Teddy nods, his face full of understanding. "It's okay to take time to find out who you are and what you believe."
"Then what do you believe?" I ask him, curiosity getting the better of me. "Do you believe in God?"
