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Despite the pain and betrayal, I knew I could always count on him to be there for me, to help me pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.
THIRTY-THREE
SCAR
Something changed in the last few days.
After Maverick left his present, something snapped inside my brain, telling me it was time to shut down.
And that's precisely what I did.
After Seth passed away, my emotions and mania worsened to the point that I attempted to take my life. I did better after I was released from the hospital until that horrible night that forever changed my life. Images of that night haunt my dreams as if they will come to life and ruin me again.
My legs continue to bounce as I bite my fingernails while sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to be called. I've been a nervous wreck since I woke up this morning. Thankfully, Mom was off today to look after Shaun. Days like today make it difficult to care for him. It's why I haven't been able to live independently.
The room was quiet and empty until fifteen minutes ago. People started to fill the space with their kids, making me uneasy. I had to move twice to sit on my own.
The lady beside me smells like smoke, and mixed with her strong perfume, it gives me a migraine. I sit as close as I can toward the edge of my chair until I'm against the wall.
A little boy screams at the top of his lungs when his mother takes away his toy.
The front desk phone rings nonstop.
The receptionist shouts over the noise when she calls out the next patient.
Twin girls around five to six years old run around the kiddie table, playing tag. The mother tries to scold them, but her voice sounds like nails down a chalkboard.
Closing my eyes, I cover my ears and rock back and forth, trying to block out the noises that will infiltrate my security bubble.
Please make it stop.
"Scar?"
I hear someone calling my name, but I can't make out who the voice belongs to. It's a whisper but close, as if someone is standing beside me.
"Scar, it's okay. Open your eyes."
Warm hands cover mine and gently pull them away from my ears. When the noise breaks the barrier, my heart rate picks up, and I start to open my mouth to lash out at the person who thought it was a good idea to touch me when I am in this state.
But when I open my eyes, Dr. Kingston gives me a warm smile. "Focus on my voice," she redirects in a gentle tone. "Take a deep breath and exhale."
Closing my eyes again, I follow her directions.
"Find your center. Close your eyes and go to your happy place," she says.
After a few minutes, my heart starts to slow down, and my mind becomes more transparent as I break through the fog.
When I open my eyes, I glance around the room and notice it’s empty.
"Where is everyone?"
Did I imagine that too?
"There isn't anyone here. You were the only patient scheduled to see me today," Dr. Kingston responds quietly.
I burst into tears.
"It's okay, Scar. Let's go into my office."
