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Once I get my bearings, I push myself off the chair using the armrests and follow her.
One thing I love about Dr. Kingston's office is that it is warm and inviting. The lights are dim and low, and the office is decorated in bright colors. Her couch is a light gray with orange, blue, and green pillows.
I sit in the middle of that couch and twiddle my fingers, not knowing what else to do with my hands. My right leg shakes as I try to keep my emotions in check. The last thing I need is for Dr. Kingston to admit me back to the psych ward.
"What are you feeling right now, Scar?" Dr. Kingston's voice pulls me back into the present.
Keeping my gaze on my hands, I respond, "Out of control."
"What triggered your emotions?"
"Noise. Too many people were in the room, but now you're telling me it was empty."
"Something must've happened before you came in today. Did anything happen in the last few days?"
I nod.
There's a brief pause before she speaks again.
"Talk me through it."
So I do. I tell her about Maverick, his presents, and the memory of Skylar breaking the lantern when I was younger.
"Okay, good." I hear a pen scribbling on paper. "How have the hallucinations been?"
This time, I look up at her. Her warm smile and kind demeanor immediately put me at ease. Dr. Kingston is sitting on a single chair with her feet tucked underneath her. She is one of the most casual therapists I have ever met. Most of the ones I've seen were always dressed in businesslike clothing during my visits.
Not Dr. Kingston.
She's wearing a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved top with a wide neckline that shows the start of a colorful tattoo. Her presence brings me a sense of comfort and security, knowing that I have an additional safe haven.
"They just recently started, but not as bad as it was today." My voice is hoarse as if I was screaming at an outdoor concert.
"When it does happen, what do you see?"
I sigh and look out of the window. "Seth, and random people I've never seen before. It always feels like someone's watching me or following me."
"Have they tried talking to you?"
"No. Seth just watches me and keeps me company."
She nods. "Have you spoken to them?"
I shake my head.
"Scar, I have to say that you handled yourself very well today."
I smile at the compliment even though it's difficult for me to hear it because I feel unworthy. Seth and Maverick always made me feel like I was someone special. They never treated me differently.
As the session goes on, I start to feel better. I feel like I am finally able to sort through my thoughts and feelings and make sense of them. Dr. Kingston helped me see things in a new light and gave me practical advice on how to deal with my problems. By the end of the session, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still have a lot of work to do, but I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time.
I drive home in the pouring rain. The raindrops falling from the dark sky hit my windshield relentlessly, making it difficult to see the road ahead. The rain tapping against the car is soothing, but I feel nervous about the drive home.
I turn on the radio to distract myself and hear a familiar tune—"21 Guns" by Green Day. The rain and the music combine to create a nostalgic feeling that makes the drive more enjoyable.
Despite the memories brought on by the song I am still anxious about driving in the rain. I have to be extra careful with my turns and braking on the slick road.
As I get closer to home, the rain lightens up, and the sky clears. The sun peeks through the clouds, and I see a rainbow. It is a beautiful sight and a perfect ending to a stressful drive.
