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“Did you think there was something more nefarious? That one of us had done the other wrong?”
Ella gave her head a slight shake. She seemed confused and terribly sad.
“You don’t need to feel bad for Fi. She’s already met a wonderful doctor who loves her madly and is eager to marry her. The wedding is in February. It’s happening soon.”
Ella’s forehead creased. “And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Of course not. It’s good. It’s great. A relief.”
“Arelief?”
“Her clock was ticking and all that.”
Ella looked away, but not before he saw disappointment in her eyes, and felt her disappointment in him. He didn’t understand it. Why did she care so much about Fiona? What business was it of hers?
“You’re never going to marry… not anyone?” she persisted.
“No. Marriage is not in my future. It’s not something I want.”
“Not even if you met the right person?”
“If I’d wanted marriage, I would have married Fi. But I didn’t want marriage. It’s as simple as that.”
Baird rarely explained himself to anyone, and he didn’t owe Ella an explanation, either, but her bewilderment touched him. She truly didn’t understand.
“I’ve seen what people do to each other,” he said. “I’ve seen too much of the ugliness that happens when a marriage sours. I’ve seen what it does to the children. I don’t want that. I don’t ever want anything like that.”
“What makes you think you would have such a toxic relationship? Not every marriage ends in divorce.”
“Enough do that it’s not logical for me to take that next step.”
“I don’t believe love is logical.”
“Even more reason to avoid it.”
Her brow arched. “You really mean that?”
“I do.”
“But you seem so… well-adjusted.”
He nearly laughed. “I’d like to think I am, and just because I don’t want to get married or have kids—”
“You don’t want kids, either?”
“Before you ask if I don’t like kids, it’s not that. I love kids. I love my nieces and nephews, and I can’t wait to be a godfather to the twins. I want to be in their lives. I look forward to being there for them. But no, I’m not planning on starting a family, and have no desire to put children in the middle of something that could be contentious, turning them into pawns in someone else’s game for vengeance—”
“That’s so harsh, Baird.”
“But it’s real. I see it on a daily basis. A good marriage can be wonderful. A bad marriage can be vile. I’ve seen those vile marriages in action. It’s the last thing I’d want. It’s the last thing I could accept.”
“What makes you think you’d be that husband or that father?”
“A marriage is made up of two people. I can only control me, and who I want to be.
I don’t get to control or make choices for my partner. Nor would I want to. But over time, people become disillusioned in their mate. They fall out of love. They feel hurt, or neglected. They realize they made a mistake. Sex isn’t good. Finances are tight. The person you thought you knew supports a politician you detest. Once the disillusionment sets in, it’s very difficult to recover from. Which is where I come in.”
“It’s a miracle anyone makes it,” Ella said under her breath.
