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“I’m not staying long,” James answered, turning his hat once, and then again. “I’ve just come to apologize. I had to do it in person. I had to apologize so you could hear how sorry I am.” He lifted his head and he looked into Alec’s eyes. “I’d like to say I don’t know why I took the money, but I do.”
Silence followed, and Baird could tell Phelps was nervous, but was certain it was all an act. He certainly felt no sympathy for the man.
James took a breath. “I made some bad decisions financially, and I was in a tough position, short of funds, and I thought I’ll just borrow a little bit and pay it back as soon as I can. It didn’t work out that way, though. I couldn’t pay it back, and I was still in the hole, and so I borrowed more, and then some more, and by the time I realized just how much I’d taken, I knew I’d ruined myself, and maybe you. Every day, I wanted to tell you. Every day, I vowed I’d come to you and confess what I’d done. But when I saw you in the office, you reminded me so much of your father, and he was so very good to me. He believed in me when no one else did. And instead of admitting to the truth, I just pretended it wasn’t me. Why did it have to be me?”
“Because it was you,” Baird said harshly, unable to keep his silence.
He’d known James Phelps a very long time. Phelps had been a frequent visitor here when the old earl was alive. And the earl had given Phelps tremendous support and encouragement, encouragement he didn’t show to Alec. Alec was constantly having to prove himself, and even if Alec shrugged it off, it bothered Baird.
“I know,” James said. “I’m not trying to justify my behavior, either. What I’ve done is terrible, truly terrible. I don’t have the means to pay it all back. Most of it is gone to cover those gambling debts, and the rest is in the bank, being saved for Helen to help take care of her and the children when I’m no longer around.”
“Does Helen know?” Alec asked.
James shook his head. “I’m heading home tonight to tell her. She thinks I’ve been on a business trip.”
“I talked to her, you know. She said she didn’t know where you were.”
“I know.” Ruddy color washed through James’s face. “I said I was job interviewing and didn’t want you to know.”
“So many lies,” Baird said. “You had to know they would catch up with you?”
For a moment, James didn’t speak and then when he did, his voice cracked. “I don’t feel bad for me, but I feel terrible for Helen and the kids. They don’t deserve this. It will be hard for them when the truth comes out.”
Baird shook his head. “You should have thought of that before.”
Alec gestured to the green drawing room. “Let’s go sit by the fire. You’re cold, James. There’s no reason to have you standing here shivering.”
Alec and James took seats in the armchairs and Baird stood at the fireplace, needing to keep his distance. He was so angry on Alec’s behalf. James had put Alec through hell the past week. And to just show up here on Christmas Eve and act as if an apology could make everything right?
“So, you’re gambling again, James,” Alec said quietly.
James lifted his head, looked at Alec and then down again. “You know about your dad helping me out before?”
“My father never told me, but I saw it in the personal ledger my father kept for his personal accounts. He took care of your debts five or six years ago.”
“Seven,” James said. “And I promised him I’d never gamble again. And I didn’t go near the horses, didn’t place bets, not until last spring when I had a really good feeling about a horse, and I thought one bet won’t hurt, and I was so sure the horse would win.”
“The horse didn’t?”
James made a rough sound. “No, he did. And it’s such a high when you win, it feels so good, and I thought whatever I win will be for Helen. I’d take her on a proper vacation, and maybe get Jimmy a car for uni. And I won once more, but then I began to lose. I should have stopped then. Instead, you think your luck will change, and it only takes one good win and you’ll be on top again.”
Alec rose and walked to the sideboard with the tray of bottles and glasses. He poured a splash of sherry into three glasses and carried one to Baird and then handed another to James and kept the third for himself. “I wish you would have just told me,” he said. “I would have helped you.”
“I know. I was too ashamed.”
Silence stretched and the only sound was the fire crackling. “What will you tell Helen when you get home?” Alec asked.
“The truth.” James shrugged. “I need to tell them, and then I’ll turn myself in. I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I know I owe you a great deal of money, but I will do my best to pay you back, even if it takes me the rest of my life.”
Alec studied the man who had been at his side every day for the past twelve years. “You need therapy not prison.”
“I embezzled funds. Not just from you, but others. It’s a crime and I must be held accountable.”
“My father loved you like a son.”
James looked away, a sheen in his eyes. “I’m glad he’s not alive to witness this.”
“So, the money isn’t all gone?”
