AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She hesitates, studying my expression before speaking again.“I think it’s time we go our separate ways, Kingsley.”
The words hit me like a ton of bricks, sending an almost physical jolt through me.I close my eyes momentarily as if doing so could shield me from the impact.“Of course,” I finally say, my voice tinged with a heaviness I can’t hide.
Her face takes on a look of sadness, but she quickly masks it, straightening her posture.“You’re free to leave as soon as Lexy finds an adequate replacement for you.”
Having seen Lexy’s choices in the past, I’m not thrilled by the prospect.“Let me find the replacement.Someone I know I can trust.”
She shrugs, her shoulders moving up and down dismissively as if she’s already mentally moved on from the conversation.“Fine, whatever,” she says, signaling the end of a discussion that changes everything yet resolves nothing.
As she retreats into her bedroom, I find myself rooted to the spot, torn between conflicting emotions.She’s pulling away, and the unbearable truth is that I don’t know if I should—or even could—draw her back.
She’s right to stay away from me.
Heading back to my studio, each step is a monument to regret.My past, the team I lost, and the emotional scars I bear serve as armor against what could be an extraordinary relationship with her.And what makes it all the more agonizing is that with Victoria, I’ve felt a sense of completeness that I’ve never felt before.
The reality is harsh.I’ve driven her away to protect myself, to guard against the chance of another devastating loss.Yet, as I open the door to my suite, a crushing realization sets in.
I’m leaving.
She fired me.
I drop my bag with a thud and opt to pour myself a whiskey instead of unpacking.It’s not like me, but then again, I’m not exactly myself these days.
I scan through emails detailing the layout for the awards show.It’s being held at Madison Square Garden, so I familiarize myself with the entry and exit points and the security company in charge.They’re a good outfit.I’ve worked with them before.
Victoria will be sitting in the front row, and there’s a designated area where I can stand, although it’s a good thirty feet away.Not ideal, but it’s not like she can invite me as her plus-one.
Satisfied with the logistics and security details, I close my laptop and pour another glass.This time, I keep pouring until the glass is brimming.
Anger surges through me, mostly at myself.How can I be so adept at handling other people’s problems but inept at dealing with my own?Why can’t I move past the debilitating guilt over losing my comrades?
I know, logically, it wasn’t my fault.I was near the military vehicles, out of range, when the enemy opened fire.But the question haunts me.Why them and not me?I wouldn’t have to wake up each day shrouded in this suffocating cloak of self-loathing if it had been me.
I down the whiskey in a single gulp, feeling the burn trail down my throat as I immediately reach for the bottle to pour another.The liquid sloshes into the glass, amber and inviting, promising a brief respite from the relentless thoughts that hound me.I drink it as if trying to drown my sorrows, hoping the numbness will eclipse the pain, the guilt, the loss that never seems to let me be.
But as the fog in my mind starts to thicken, pushing me toward the blissful oblivion, I think I’m craving, something else emerges.It’s her.
Her smile, radiant and warm, like the midday sun.
Her eyes, piercing and intimate, each lingering glance over the weeks seeming to understand and heal some of the jagged fragments within me.
The way her body feels pressed against mine, the perfection in our imperfect matching, it’s as if we were sculpted to fit together.
And then there’s the way she submits to me, a giving that’s so much more than just physical—it reaches in and touches parts of me I thought were long buried under layers of armor and scar tissue.When she’s with me and gives herself to me, I feel an unexpected sense of completeness, as if the missing pieces have suddenly been restored.For those moments, the world is right, and I’m whole, if only briefly.
The more I drink, the more I want to forget, to lose myself in the numbing embrace of alcohol.My thoughts of her are both a tonic and a poison, filling me with longing even as they remind me of what I’ve jeopardized.So I keep drinking, keep pouring, driven by a need to erase it all, the keen awareness of what I’ve lost.
Eventually, my hand grows unsteady, the room starts to spin, and I’m enveloped in the foggy haze of intoxication.Feeling my resolve weaken, and my consciousness wane, I slump further into the chair, almost welcoming the oblivion that follows.
Tonight, I want to pass out.
I want to escape.
And as the darkness closes in, I give in, letting it swallow me whole.
24
Victoria
