AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I didn’t really get the chance. Almost as soon as I realized I had feelings far beyond Conor being like a brother to me, he became like mist on a foggy morning. It was frustrating and hurt me deeply.
I thought maybe his disappearance from my life was part of the reason why I couldn’t resolve my feelings, like his absence made my heart grow fonder. I’ve realized that’s not the case.
Now I can almost feel the way he’s breathing down my neck while his gaze sears into my skin through layers of winter clothing. I almost want to tell him to stop looking at me, but a part of me likes and craves it.
“This is fun,” Roisin’s voice pulls me away from thoughts of Conor as she points toward another shop, and I nod. “I never really had a lot of female friends while growing up. Not close ones anyway.”
“Me either,” I admit. When she gives me a look of surprise, I shrug one shoulder. “It’s not easy growing up surrounded by the men in my life. I never knew why people wanted to be close to me, especially as I got older. Were guys nice to me because of me or did they want some sort of introduction to Declan? I know some of the girls who were my friends were only interested in getting close to him.”
We both scrunch our noses up in disgust and I can’t help but laugh.
“I know, right? It didn’t even matter to them that they were underage. They thought he was so hot,” the disgust is evident in my voice.
“I’m biased,” she grins at me, “but he is hot. I just can’t imagine some high school girl trying to go after him. I have major secondhand embarrassment at even the thought.”
“They never got the chance to throw themselves at him,” I assure her.
“Probably for the best,” she muses as we step inside the store, Conor following behind us like a dutiful bodyguard even though the position is far below his paygrade. “I can’t imagine he would have been kind if they had tried.”
I bark out a laugh and shake my head. “No, the man who makes grown men pee their pants would not have been nice about it.”
Roisin’s eyes sparkle. “He’s a teddy bear when it comes to me.” I arch an eyebrow and she shrugs, her cheeks heating with a blush and not from the cold wind we’ve been walking through. “Well, for the most part.”
“Caveman would be more like it, I’m sure,” my voice goes high and a little prissy which only makes Roisin’s smile grow.
She looks around the boutique we’ve just walked into with a little nervousness in her eyes. She shakes her head and confesses, “I never would have stepped foot in a store like this before. So much has changed for me lately and it’s not easy to process.” She bites her lip and looks away as her eyes fill with sadness. “I never want Declan to think I’m with him for his money.”
“He’s the one who handed you his card and told you to enjoy the day,” I point out. I saw him do it this morning as we enjoyed breakfast together. My jaw was on the floor. There were times when I practically had to pry that card from his fingers, but he just handed it over to Roisin while telling her about how he ordered cards in her name, and they’d be in soon. “He knows you aren’t with him for any of that. It’s obvious,” I assure her.
She blows out a breath of relief, “Good. I never want anyone to think his power or money has anything to do with it. I love him for who he is.” She tilts her head to the side. “Does that make sense?”
I give her hand a squeeze, “It does.” I glance around the boutique, ignoring the way Conor’s eyes bore into me. “You could find some good things here. At some point you’ll need a nice dress for your wedding rehearsal dinner,” I remind her with a wink.
Her fingers squeeze mine a little tighter, “I hope you’ll help me plan the wedding. I really don’t know what I’m doing, and I won’t have—,” her voice cracks a little as she cuts herself off and shakes her head, but I know what she’s going to say.
She won’t have her mom there or any family. I get it.
“I understand. If one day I find a man to love me for me, the same way you love my brother, I won’t have my mom there either. It’s not for the same reason, but that doesn’t change the result. I think it might be worse for you only because it was her choice not to be the mother you needed and that’s on her. It’s not on you. Mine never even had the chance.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Roisin’s voice is soft and full of so much sincerity that it has tears welling up in my eyes.
“I didn’t bring it up for that,” I assure her and shoot her a small smile, hoping she knows how much I appreciate the sentiment anyway. “I was damn lucky that Declan didn’t even blink about taking care of me. It could have gone differently, but he stepped up. He’s always meant the world to me because of how he didn’t even blink. He was so young, but it didn’t matter to him. He was there for me in every way I needed.”
“He loves you very much,” she assures me.
“I know,” I sass and flip my hair over my shoulder, the tension and the sadness breaking around us. “The best thing to do is to live your best fucking life. It’ll be your revenge and your happiness all at one time.”
Roisin surprises me by throwing her arms around my shoulders and giving me a hug. She’s a few inches taller than me, but we’re pretty evenly matched. Even through the layers we’re wearing, the warmth of her affection and acceptance seeps into me.
It could bother me that she’s only a few years older than me, but it doesn’t. With the way she grew up, there are times when she seems much older than she is. I get it, in a lot of ways I had to grow up quickly because of my brother’s world. It never touched me, but I still learned to navigate it at an early age.
“Let’s browse,” I prompt her as she pulls away and she nods eagerly. I pull my jacket off and fold it over my arm because the store is warm enough without it. “Oh, look for something for the yearly Christmas party. It’s one of the few times everyone lets their hair down and celebrates like the family we are, unconventional as it might be to most.”
“Declan told me about the party,” she confirms excitedly. “I’ll keep my eyes open for the right dress.”
I nod and we start to look through the racks while going our separate ways. This is one of the best things about shopping with Roisin today. We’ve talked about a lot of things, but we don’t need to be glued to each other’s sides the entire time either. Isla always wanted us to look at every piece of clothing together and I hated it.
No, thank you, sometimes I just need a moment to breathe.
