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And that was the kill shot.
I couldn’t argue with her anymore.
For a moment, I thought I was going to bawl like a big baby, but I managed to hold it together and nod. “Okay,” I whispered. “Okay.”
I had lost. I’d lost big. Honestly, it kind of felt as if I’d just lost everything.
It fucking sucked, too. In fact, I thought I might’ve even seen a glimmer of thatworst pain in the worldsymptom that she’d spoken of.
But I agreed to go because I couldn’t hurt her anymore.
23CHLOE
Ifelt drained and lost after Luke left. He had kept glancing at me as he’d shoved his clothes in the overnight bag he’d been living out of for weeks. Then he paused and glanced slowly around the room after he hefted the strap over his shoulder as if he needed a moment to say goodbye to the place.
Finally, he strode to me and pulled me into his arms, hugging me hard.
“I know you won’t call if you need anything,” he said into my hair. “So I’m just going to keep checking in, okay? Don’t get pissed at me. I justneedto. I still get some anxiety when I think about you being safe. It doesn’t have anything to do with this other shit. I just… I need to.”
“Okay,” I whispered. Then, against my own better judgment, I lifted my hand and touched his back. It wasn’t a return hug, but it was something, and it caused him to shudder and suck in a hard breath.
“Bye,” he mumbled, pulling away abruptly and keeping his face down so I wouldn’t see his expression as he turned away and walked out of my bedroom.
With the absence of his warm, solid body against mine, I hugged myself and listened to his footsteps in the hall. It wasn’t until I heard the front door shut that I was able to whisper, “Bye,” back to him. Then I reversed until the backs of my knees hit the bed.
When I sank onto the mattress, I covered my mouth with my hands and started to cry all over again.
But this was all wrong. Pushing him away wasn’t supposed to hurt. Dammit, I’d pushed him away so itwouldn’thurt. So why the hell did it hurt so much?
“I fucked up, didn’t I?” I asked myself, only to nod, answering,yes. Yes, I had.
It took me a long time to fall asleep, and when I did, it was restless and unpleasant. When I finally passed out hard near dawn, it felt as if I barely had any sleep before a thud woke me.
Jerking awake with a gasp, I bolted upright on the bed and clutched my sheets to my chest. “H-hello?” I called in a hoarse voice.
“Sorry,” I heard Luke call back from inside the bathroom. “It’s just me. I didn’t mean to wake you; I knocked over that damn water pitcher when I tried to put the flowers back in it. But don’t worry; it’s not broken.”
“Luke?” I rasped in surprise as a flood of warm relief melted my fears.
He appeared in the doorway, dressed for the day and holding another bag, this one a plastic grocery sack. “Hmm? Yeah?” he asked, glancing at me curiously.
I shook my head slowly. “What’re youdoing? Did you come back and stay the night after all?”
He sniffed and frowned over that suggestion. “No,” he muttered as if insulted. Then he rolled his eyes and lifted an item from the bag. “I left my soap and toothbrush here,” he said, showing them both to me before dropping them back inside. “Andmy cereal. Plus, I have no milk at home. So I popped by for breakfast. And to check in.”
Leaning his shoulder against the door, he watched me closely as he asked, “So how’s it going? You sleep okay?”
“Uh…” When he’d told me he was going to check in, I hadn’t quite counted on it being this soon. “Y-yeah,” I finally managed to answer, lying through my teeth. “I slept fine.”
Luke snorted and folded his arms over his chest as if he was going to call me out. But then he said, “Well, kudos to you becauseIdidn’t. I probably had the shittiest sleep of my life. I think you’ve officially ruined me.”
I furrowed my brow in confusion. “Excuse me?”
“I used to love to sleep alone,” he explained. “Ipreferredit. Sure, sometimes a chick would talk me into staying over here or there, but I hated sleepovers. I always itched to get back home to my own bed. Alone. Where I could hog all the sheets and sleep in any direction or position I wanted to. Untilyoucame along, with your soft, curvy body, and good smell, and…and your warm…warmth. Seriously! I don’t know what it is about your bed, or if it’s just because you’re in it, but my bed no longer feels right. So yeah. I slept like hell. Thanks.”
I opened my mouth, not sure how to respond to that. Except Luke waved a hand. “But it’s whatever,” he told me. “I’ll survive.” Then he started toward the doorway that led out of my room and into the hall as he mumbled, “See you around, Ryan.”
Only to fall to a stop and spin back to me.
