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“How the fuck am I the only person who’s broken your heart? You’ve dated a lot of guys over the years.”
I was still trying to wake up and process what he’d just said about his new sleeping habits. I couldn’t even think about other men I’d dated.
But Luke kept looking at me as if he needed an answer.
So I cleared my throat and rubbed at my tired eyes before admitting, “I don’t know. I never thought I loved any of them.”
His gaze went intense as he watched me. “But youdidthink you lovedme?” he asked slowly.
I hissed out a tired sigh and fell back onto my pillows, closing my eyes and wishing I could just go back to sleep. “I was stupid and young,” I mumbled. “But yeah, Ithoughtso. At the time.” But obviously, I’d been wrong.
“Was I the only one?”
I lifted my head and squinted my eyes back open. “What?”
“Was I the only one you thought you loved?” he clarified.
My lips parted. I wanted to lie. I wanted to evade the question. But he was watching me so steadily, my entire body flushed, and I had to wince before sitting up fully and confessing, “Yes.”
He didn’t answer. For a moment, I was sure he wasn’t going to. But then he murmured, “Wow,” looking almost traumatized as he said it. “How…?” He paused to clear his throat before rolling his hand as he added, “How long did you have the crush?”
I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. “What’s with all the questions? It’s over and done. In the past. Way…in the past. Why does it matter now?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged, looking lost. “Because it’s not in the past for me. And I’m curious. I don’t think anyone’s ever actually loved me before. I mean, likethat. I know my family loves me with, like,familylove, you know. But women I’ve actually dated? No. I’ve always just been the fun-time guy. Good for a couple of nights, and then, that’s it. This is… It’s kind of cool.” He shrugged almost shyly as he made the admission. “It makes me feel…” He flailed out a helpless hand as if he didn’t know which word to use before he ended with, “Important.”
“Well, sorry.” I cringed apologetically and shrugged. “But I didn’t actuallyloveyou. I just thought I did. Ended up, it was only a crush.”
His brow lowered thoughtfully as he nodded. Then he asked, “But you said it was the biggest crush you ever had on anyone, right?”
I groaned and fiddled my hands impatiently in my lap before admitting, “I guess.”
“So how long?” he asked again.
“Ugh,” I growled at him. “You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”
“I just want to know,” he pressed. “What’s the big deal about me knowing now? You said it’s over and done. All in the past. Can’t I just have my curiosity appeased?”
“Okay, fine. It was from early my freshman year to basically all the way through high school until the end of my senior year. Happy now?” I muttered.
But Luke didn’t look happy. His mouth fell open as he gaped at me. “No shit?” he murmured in shock. “How the hell were you able to keep it not just from me, but fromeveryonefor that long?”
“Well, Trick found out,” I admitted. “And he totally blackmailed me for his silence.”
Luke scowled. “That little bastard. I can’t believeheknew and never told me.”
I rolled my eyes. “He got paid too well to ever tell you.”
“Motherfucker.” Luke shook his head, trying to make sense of this. Then he snapped his fingers and pointed. “Wait a second. Wait a damn second. You couldn’t have had a crush on me your entire way through high school. I distinctly remember you having a crush on Caine Spinnaker. How could you have a crush on me if you were crushing onhim?”
“Caine Spinnaker…” I said, lifting my eyebrows in amusement at hearing that name after so many years, “was a mild,oh, I hope he asks me to dance, fascination,” I deadpanned. “That was early on in my freshman year. He was absolutely nothing. And then he made fun of me for being fat, so I ran off crying to the bathroom, where this beautiful and much cooler older boy found me, dried my tears, cheered me up, and totally swept me off my feet. So I forgot all about Caine, the douche, Spinnaker from that point on.”
“Holy shit…” Luke breathed, his mouth falling open. “That’swhen your crush on me started?Thatnight? I remember that night.”
It was slightly uncomfortable to tell him all this. But he already knew most of it, and maybe it would be a cathartic way to finally find some healthy closure for my old crush if I just got it all out, so I nodded and murmured, “Mm-hmm. It started that night.”
“Oh, hell,” he breathed, clutching his head. “But I didn’t…I wasn’t very romantic. I remember talking about your boobs a lot and being utterly crude. I was just being…me.”
I smiled fondly. “You were funny and charming and completely gallant.”
