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This week, with qualifiers coming up, everyone was swimming longer and later, which threw a fucking wrench in my Gaby time. Normally, I would’ve just come clean and told Gaby I needed to push things back. But I was a total pussy because I was worried it would make her second-guess giving me another chance. She was supposed to be coming first in my life regardless of what was going on.
I slung a towel around my waist before pulling my hoodie over my wet body. I knew I was going to freeze my ass off when I got outside, but I didn’t have enough time to fully dry off. After hopping into a pair of sweatpants, I pulled on my coat.
Just as I started to the door, a voice boomed behind me. “Fitzgerald, where the hell do you think you’re going?”
FUCK. Slowly, I turned around to face Coach J’s wrath-filled glare. I thought he was back in his office and wouldn’t see me sneaking out. “I was just ducking out a little early for some extra sleep.” He didn’t have to know that I planned on talking to Gaby for what I hoped was another hot video sex session.
His expression told me he didn’t believe a word I’d said. “In the last two months, you were gone two weeks and then another weekend. Now when you’re here, you’re practically phoning in a performance not to mention throwing in the towel half an hour early every night this week.” He pinned me with a hard stare. “Once again, I’ll ask. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
I dragged my hand over my face. “I don’t know.” And that was the truth. Before Gaby, I would’ve never dreamed of cutting out of practice early for anything. Not even the promise of a waiting hookup would’ve torn me away from the water. But she was different, and it wasn’t just about how I’d given my word to her that I would put her first.
After the last two months with Gaby, swimming just didn’t hold the same allure it once had. It was the only reason I wasn’t back home with Gaby full-time. Maybe somewhere along the way I’d started to resent what I’d formerly loved, and it scared the hell out of me. Swimming was and always had been my life. Where would I even be without it?
During the times I thought about hanging up my metaphorical jammers, a voice of reason blared loudly within me. It argued that I’d been with Gaby only two months. While I knew I was in love with her and had been miserable without her, there were no guarantees we were in it for the long-haul.
At my hesitation, Coach J cleared his throat loudly. “I think I know.” He tapped my forehead. “Your head hasn’t been on right since you got back from Georgia, which I assume is when this girlfriend popped up.”
Since I hadn’t mentioned anything about a girlfriend, I could only imagine one of my dickhead roommates had let it slip. Coach wasn’t big on relationships during competitive season times. You were either in one for years previously, or you waited for qualifiers to be over before you started one up. Over the years, I’d heard him bitch again and again about how it messed with our focus. I hated to admit that he was probably right.
“Come on. My time hasn’t deviated that much.”
“It’s not just your time. Your focus is not the same.”
“Nothing has changed,” I argued. Sure, my time was down by a few seconds, but from the way Coach was acting, I’d been skipping practices and partying hard. At his continued expression, I said, “Look, I’ll make up for my time tonight by coming in thirty minutes early and staying thirty minutes later for the next couple of weeks.”
“I sure as hell hope so.”
As unease pricked over me, I asked, “What is it you’re not saying?”
“If you keep this up, I’m not sure your scores will be enough to qualify this time around.”
Dumbstruck, I could only watch his retreating form as he stalked back to his office. “Major buzzkill, Fitzy,” Craig, remarked.
“You sure got your balls handed to you,” Sergio, teased.
Clapping me on the back, another teammate, Michael, joked, “That’s not a bad thing since I’m sure Gaby will be polishing them tonight via Facetime. Right, man?”
“Fuck you,” I grunted.
My other roommate, Kevin, made kissy noises. “You guys should hear him on the phone with her. It’s sickening.”
“Why don’t you all get off my dick about Gaby?” I countered.
“Ooh, somebody’s got it bad,” Sergio said.
“Leave him alone. I think it’s great you’re actually serious about someone,” Craig said.
Kevin snorted. “Says the guy who has a different dick every weekend.”
Craig shrugged. “Maybe it would be nice to be with someone long-term for once.”
Sergio stared horror-struck at him. “Okay, I’m getting back into the water before I catch whatever you two pussies have.”
“Fucker,” I muttered as I shoved him in the pool.
As I started for the door, Kevin said, “Here, man, I’ll walk you out.”
When we stepped out into the cold, I shivered before burrowing into my coat. After a few moments of silence, I shook my head. “Can you fucking believe Coach going off on me like that?”
