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Me: you bet!
???
Following Maddie and Morgan through the trees, I let my mind settle on my parents. I’m hyperaware of Alex’s presence behind me, the soft crunch of his boots in the snow keeping me on edge, but talking to the girls about my mom brought up an unexpected amount of emotion. The grief isn’t nearly as raw as it was before, but it settles around my heart now, darkening my mood like rain clouds hiding the sun.
I let my fingers caress the branches of each tree I pass, the prickle of the pine needles centering me.
My parents loved Christmas, so much so that Mom would go all out decorating the house every year. People would come from the next town over just to see the light show at the Thomas Villa. A small smile pulls at my lips thinking about their last Christmas. Mom had outdone herself, the display syncing to The Nutcracker ballet.
I dash away the tears that slip out, smiling when the girls look back at us before disappearing around a large evergreen. I pause beside the tree, looking up. It’s exceptionally tall, probably too tall for their house.
Crossing the walkway, I make my way around another tree. It’s about a foot taller than my five and a half feet, with full branches and a good color. It would be a lovely Christmas tree.
“Thank you,” Alex says, his voice low. I peer at him over the branches, caught off guard by his words. He’s been quiet since we climbed out of the truck fifteen minutes ago, keeping to himself as we followed the girls deeper into the trees.
I smile, my heart pitter-pattering at his sincerity, and the dark cloud hanging over me disperses. I have a feeling he doesn’t share his thoughts often, but when he does, it’s almost always important.
“Of course,” I reply, letting my fingers brush over the prickly boughs. I chew on my thumbnail for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. The utter heartbreak I’d seen on his face when Maddie brought up her mother spoke volumes where he couldn’t. I think about the years immediately following my parents’ deaths, and the ache in my chest deepens. “I’m sorry to hear about your wife. I can’t imagine enduring that kind of a loss.”
When his eyes meet mine, it’s like I’m trapped in the golden depths of them. Grief and uncertainty swirl within the amber irises, and even deeper, something more meaningful. My chest swells with the overwhelming, unspoken emotions between us, and it takes everything in me not to reach out to him.He looks so lost. His lips part, and I know he’s about to say something important.
“Daddy, Daddy!”
Just like that, the spell is broken, and I’m back in the chilly Christmas tree farm. Morgan and Maddie rush us, smiles stretching from ear to ear. Alex catches Morgan, swinging her up and holding her on his hip.
“Hello, darlings!” he crows, all traces of vulnerability gone as he grins at his children. Maddie leans against my side, wrapping her arms around my middle as she rests her head on me. My heart jumps, and I smile down at her, smoothing back her soft brown hair.
“We found the perfect tree, Daddy,” she says, out of breath.
“You did?” he asks, looking between them. They both nod enthusiastically. “Well, you’d better show us!”
Maddie grabs my hand and pulls me with her back the way they came. I laugh, feeling more excited for Christmas than I have the entire holiday season.
???
They truly found the perfect tree. It stands just taller than Alex, its branches full and wide. As Mr. Kent helps Alex tie it onto his truck next to my smaller tree, I hold the girls’ hands, listening to their excited chattering, and I’m overcome with the sudden realization that this is exactly what I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl: a family of my own to share the love of Christmas with.
Alex turns toward me, his entire countenance different from the first time I met him. While his dark hair still falls over his forehead and his scruffy beard hides half his face, I recognize the same excitement in his expression that I see in his daughters’.
Warmth seeps through me, goosebumps raising on my arms beneath my jacket as our eyes meet.What the hell is happening to me?The rawness, therealness, is nothing I ever experienced with George or Jonathon.
“Daddy, can Miss Jana come help us decorate the tree?” Maddie asks, her hazel-green eyes blinking up at Alex as he approaches us. I feel my eyes widen as he looks at me, both of us surprised by her request.
“Yeah, can she, Daddy?” Morgan pleads, mimicking her sister’s puppy-dog eyes.
“I swear I didn’t put them up to this,” I say with a laugh, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Alex chuckles, a sound I’m coming to enjoy hearing.
“Well, I suppose that’s entirely up to Miss Jana,” he says, and my stomach tightens as my name rolls from his tongue. My heartrate spikes, and I bite my tongue, trying to settle my nerves. The three of them look at me expectantly, waiting for my response.
“I’d love to help you decorate,” I say, feeling slightly breathless. The girls’ faces light up, and when I meet Alex’s gaze again, it’s all I can do to keep breathing.
What is he doing to me?
Chapter Nine
Alex
“Daddy, can I put the angel on the top this year?” Morgan asks from her position beside Jana. I watch from the kitchen counter, where I’ve been designated the pizza maker, while they coo at each ornament as they hang it. The lights were the first thing to go on the tree, followed quickly by ribbons woven through the branches.
