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She shakes her head, a nervous laugh slipping out. She sits forward, her hands trapped between her thighs as one leg bounces. It’s obvious she’s uncomfortable, so I smile gently and offer her a set of chopsticks.
“Well, allow me to be of service, then.” I open the boxes, and my mouth starts watering. “I got a little bit of everything. Eat whatever you want.”
“Thank you, Alex,” she says quietly as she splits her chopsticks. The way her mouth forms my name sends my heart racing. She reaches for a box of chicken, sliding to the floor beside me, and we eat in silence for a few moments.
“How did you hear about our little town?” I ask finally, breaking the silence. Jana smiles like she has a secret and pokes at her chicken.
“Actually, I grew up here,” she says. My eyebrows raise in surprise, and she chuckles, nodding. “Yeah. I grew up in the house down the street from yours, actually.”
“What a small world,” I say. “Does your dad still live there?”
“No.” Her smile falters and her eyes go distant. “No, both my parents died in a car accident six years ago. I was away at college when it happened.”
“Jana, I—”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know.” Her warm brown eyes mist over, but still, she smiles.
“I’m so sorry.”
“I haven’t been back since their funeral,” Jana says softly, her voice breaking a little. She laughs sadly, wiping the corner of her eye before going back to poking at her chicken. My heart aches for her loss, empathy rolling through me. “I didn’t really have a reason to, I guess.”
“What brought you back now?” I ask, setting my chicken on the table beside me. She bites out a laugh, shaking her head.
“I couldn’t stay in Louisiana,” she says, setting her food down. She leans her head against the couch and stretches her legs out under the table. “Hadlee’s all I’ve got left in this world, really.”
“I’m so sorry. That must be difficult.” I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms loosely around them. I study Jana’s face, her micro expressions offering more than I think she realizes. “I can’t imagine life without Benji.”
“Is it just the two of you?” she asks, tucking loose curls behind her ear.
I shake my head. “Nah, we have a younger sister—Carlee.”
“Alex, Benji, and Carlee?” She laughs, her eyes crinkling in the corners. “Was the alphabet thing on purpose, or just how things turned out?”
“Oh, definitely on purpose,” I say, dropping my head and looking at my hands. My wedding band stares harshly back at me as I twist it absently. “So was the ‘M’ thing with my girls.”
“Did your wife’s name start with an ‘M’?” Jana asks softly, and that’s when I realize I’ve shared nothing about Laura with Jana. Uncertainty fills me—I feel like I’m cheating on Laura by being here with Jana. I shift, trying to shake that feeling. I inhale deeply, settling again as I exhale.
“No, her name was Laura.”
“That’s a beautiful name,” Jana says. She shifts, tucking her legs under her so she can face me. “Will you tell me about her?”
The question knocks me off guard, and I’m sure it shows on my face. Thoughts and memories I’ve kept locked away come rushing back, of Laura’s life intertwined with mine. “What do you want to know?”
“Anything,” Jana says, placing her hand over mine. Her touch is warm and comforting, a friend in the darkness. I lift my gaze, meeting warm brown eyes that hold an understanding I can’t quite make sense of. “Sometimes, talking about those we’ve lost can help ease the ache we feel in our hearts. So…tell me about Laura.”
“I met her in college,” I say, thinking back. “She was in my sophomore English Lit class, and she knew the answer to everything. It drove me nuts, since none of it made a lick of sense to me. She ended up tutoring me.”
“That makes sense,” Jana says with a laugh. “How long did it take before you asked her out?”
“Our second tutoring session,” I say, smiling at the memory of Laura’s dirty blonde hair falling into her eyes as she studied, of the startled look in her eyes when I brushed it away. “Once I got to know her, it just felt right. We got married my senior year at Brown.”
“How long were you married?”
“Eight years.” I sigh and try to smile. “Maddie came about a year after we were married, then Morgan.”
“They’re precious,” Jana says, and I know it’s heartfelt. I’ve seen the way she looks at them, like she could love them forever. My heart pounds in my chest as pressure builds behind my eyes. There’s more to the story, more to share.
“Maddox was our little rainbow baby.”
