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“Do you remember when we met, Alex?” she asks, wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her cashmere coat. I sigh, staring out at the snow-covered street.
“That first Thanksgiving I came home with Laura.”
“No, that’s not it.” I look at her curiously, wracking my brain, and she smiles sadly. “We met first. In the library at Brown.”
“What?”
“You were looking for Dostoevsky’sCrime and Punishmentfor your English Lit class,” she says. She looks up at me, her green eyes filled with disappointment. “I was sitting at a table in the back corner, studying for my history midterm, and you came up to me with that damn smile, and I was hooked. I helped you find the book and you asked for my number, but you never called me. I guess we know why.”
She laughs again, and my shoulders slump. I don’t remember the encounter at all.
“Looks like I missed my shot again,” she says. “I’m so happy for you.”
“You’ll find someone,” I say, shoving my hands into my pockets. She bites her bottom lip and nods. “You’re smart and funny, not to mention gorgeous.”
She laughs sharply, the first real smile pulling at her lips. “I really am happy for you, Alex. You deserve love in your life.”
“So do you, Leslie.” She looks away, tears welling on her waterline. Benji’s car pulls up in front of us, and he climbs out. “You deserve someone who loves you ferociously. Please don’t settle, okay?”
Benji walks around and opens the passenger door, waiting as Leslie gives me one last sad smile. “I wasn’t settling, Alex.”
Chapter Seventeen
Jana
Alex is late.
I glance at my watch, then toward the door of the diner. He said he would head over as soon as Zach got in, so unless something happened, he should be here. I stand up and move to look out the window closest to my table. Instant regret seeps through me when I catch sight of Alex on the sidewalk in front of the pharmacy, talking to his sister-in-law.
His hand rests on her arm as she cups his cheek. Pain shoots through my heart as she leans in and kisses him, their lips connecting in a hurried frenzy. I close my eyes, but the image is already burned into my memory.
Turning away, I gather my things and drop a few bills on the table for my hot chocolate before walking out. I don’t even look toward Alex as I make my way down the street. Pressure builds behind my eyes, begging to be released as liquid tears.
It takes everything in me to hold them back until I find shelter in an alleyway. My heart feels like it’s breaking all over again, and as the tears fall, I let it out in a sharp, screaming sob.
Crouching against the wall, I stare up at the sky as tears pour out and into my hair.Why does this keep happening to me?Three men, three cheaters. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem.
???
It takes me twenty minutes to find my way home. By then, my tears have dried enough that I can call Alex. I sit on my bed, staring at his number in my phone, unsure. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him, but if he’s waiting for me at the diner, he’ll be waiting a long time.
My thumb hovers over the call button, my nerves getting the better of me, when my phone starts ringing in my hand. Alex’s name flashes over the screen, and I let my eyes drop closed as I answer it.
“Jana?” A lump forms in my throat when I hear his voice, and I take a deep breath, trying to steady my emotions.
“Alex, hey.”
“Are we still good to meet for lunch? Sandy said you were here, but she doesn’t know where you went.” He pauses. “I’m sorry I was late.”
“Oh, um…I—” I clear my throat, tears falling silently down my cheeks. “I’m not gonna make it.”
“Alright, no problem,” he says, concern slipping into his tone. “Is everything okay?”
“I, um…I was about to call you,” I say softly, blinking away the tears. “I think I need some space.”
He inhales sharply, and fresh tears well in my eyes as my heart burns in my chest, shattering into a million pieces. “What’s going on, Jana?”
That’s what I’d like to know.
