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“We should probably head for the kitchen or we’ll be late.” The sudden gruffness in his voice didn’t throw me off like it usually did, though. I sensed it wasn’t directed at me.
I nodded, feeling suddenly off balance. This alpha brought out so many contradictory emotions in me. He pushed all my buttons, but he also pulled at something deep within me. Everything he did had a sense of power that left me breathless, even when he was just quietly breathing.
We didn’t talk as we walked, but it wasn’t awkward. I sensed we were both enjoying the quiet morning. Sam’s dominance wasn’t leaking hotly this morning. It was more of a warm wash that left a zing across my skin and made me feel achingly alive. It matched the slowly waking farm that was emerging around us, glowing rays overtaking darkness as the sun gently spread its fingers into the world. Hope spreading its beacon.
It was so rare I found someone I could just be quiet with. It surprised me that Sam might be that person, given how volatile we usually were whenever one of us opened our mouths.
I could feel the sexual tension humming between us as we walked, though, ever present. I had an acute awareness of every movement he made. As though the air caught between us felt the pull, too, and was consumed with it. Trying to draw us closer.
On the way to the dining hall, I showed him things about the farm that I loved. The cabin we had set up for women to make goat’s milk products to sell and support themselves, even the pond and the old mill we were trying to get working again, surrounded by the weeping willows.
There was a light fog floating around the lower areas of the farm in the early morning light, turning the landscape lush and romantic. The sounds of the waking farm seemed muted and far away, when heard through the dense air, even the occasional croaking frog. Standing around the pond, it felt like we were the only people in the world.
It was the perfect spot for a first kiss. Sam glanced at me almost longingly while we briefly lingered. He stretched his hand toward me before stuffing it deep in his pocket again.
Disappointment washed over me, but I also felt relieved. I’d never really held hands with a guy before. As much as I wanted to hold Sam’s hand in that moment, the gesture felt fraught with tension. I wasn’t ready for his touch. I knew how wildly I had reacted to both Dio and Pala the first time they had touched me. Sam and I weren’t there yet. I hadn’t even read his letter.
The absence of touch felt almost like its own weight, though. My hand was aching from the deprivation.
We tarried so long I was late for the breakfast shift. Sam left me at the back door with a growled, “I’ll see you at breakfast,” before he abruptly disappeared.
The man was an enigma.
thirty-one
Maiathrewherarmsaround me as soon as I got inside, while Ava shot me a sweet smile from her workstation. “How did it go last night, when you got back to the treehouse?” Maia whispered breathlessly.
“Fine.”
“Uh oh, that bad?” she asked, with a horrified expression.
I laughed. “No. I, uh, can we talk about it later?”
I glanced at the women around the room, and Maia got it instantly. There were too many ears in here.
“Sure thing. You’ve got until after breakfast, though. I need details.”
“Family meeting after breakfast, don’t forget.”
Maia groaned with a laugh. “Fine. Breakfast, family meeting, then girl chat. You’re not weaseling out of this. Oh, and I brought you my book about omegas and packs, Leif thought it might help.”
She pushed her big leather book across the counter towards me and I gave her a squeeze, feeling her friendship lighten my heart, before I tucked it into a safe spot so it wouldn’t get dirty. I wanted to read it later. “Thank you. If I haven’t said it before, I’m really glad you stopped at our gates. Not because of the book, just because you’ve brought so much to our lives.”
“Stop it. You’re going to make me bawl.” She swatted me away, her voice sounding thick.
“Can you cover me for a minute?” I asked her, looking over at the freezer.
She looked confused, but nodded without asking a lot of questions. “Absolutely. I’ve got your back.”
That girl was quickly becoming my ride or die.
I slipped out with none of the other girls noticing and ducked into the big walk-in freezer. It was the only place around here to get some quiet for five minutes. Nobody came in here unless they had to. I slipped Sam’s letter out of my pocket. He’d shown amazing restraint this morning, not asking me about it.
I smoothed out the crinkled paper on my lap and read as I perched on a box and shivered.
Lexie,
I behaved like an asshole tonight, and let’s be honest, before tonight, too. I’m so very sorry. If I haven’t said this to you directly yet, or didn’t get the words out properly, forgive me. Whenever I’m around you, my beast pushes to the surface and I can’t think straight.
