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“Uh, that’s bad,” Jake interjects, now leaning back.
“She wants to see me in person to talk about it.”
Jake bobs his head around, biting his lip, thinking.
“That’s slightly better,” he says. “Where are you meeting?”
“At my— It doesn’t matter, I already said too much.”
I start to place my laptop inside its case and gather all the papers I need to take home. Jake stands and leaves the room with a final thump of his fist against my desk and exclaims, “I’m just glad you’re out adventuring again, my friend. Really glad!”
Left alone, I look at my belongings and try to decide if it’s sad or not that I’m a slave to a briefcase, and a servant to the memory of a good night of forbidden sex.
I head back home with loud music blaring in my car and my thoughts purposefully distant. I try to just pay attention to the road and the music nothing else.
When I get to the Villas, I’m feeling calmer, but that all goes away when I hear Joyce’s giggling voice not far away from the entrance.
I follow the sound of her giggles until I reach the inner patio, where Joyce and Anna are playing basketball against each other.
I just stand quiet and observe my baby being happy for a while. She was barely two when Andrea passed and doesn’t really remember her. I sometimes don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
“Joyce?” I finally call out. “Can I have a word?”
“Go upstairs and finish your homework, okay?” she tells Anna, and then kisses the top of her head.
“Hi, daddy!” Anna runs over to kiss me on her way out, and I lean down for a hug.
“Hi, baby,” I say, “I’ll be right there with you in just a moment.”
Anna nods, then goes upstairs. Joyce and I are left alone, and the professional look on her face makes me want to roll my eyes.
“What is it that you need, Mr. Bardin?” she asks in a quiet voice, making me lose my patience with her.
“You know what I want,” I say with sarcasm. “To talk about Saturday.”
I watch Joyce out of the corner of my eye, and she just shrugs in reaction to my question.
“What’s there to talk about, Mr. Bardin?” she says softly, making me feel desperate.
“Oh, come on,” I rub my face red with both hands. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
She looks at me with apparent judgment, at least in my mind, with the eyes of someone who feels superior to me.
“I know what you are talking about, Mr. Bardin,” she says calm, “I was there. I just thought it ended where it started.”
Her smile in the end is like a nine-inch nail to my heart. I hide my face in shame, and turn my back to her, saying under my breath, “I guess you’re more mature than me, then…”
Joyce gets one step closer, reaching out a hand towards me.
“I’m sorry, but it’s better this way,” she says, sounding heartfelt. “It was fun. And I truly like you, I do! Enough to want to envision a future together, at least in the short term, but I can’t jeopardize my job, and Jane would kill me if she knew I was involved with you.”
She looks around and lowers her voice, “I also don’t want to confuse Anna. I hope you understand.”
I feel a catch in my throat, ashamed to be put in my place by someone nearly a decade and a half younger than me, so I cross my arms and take a deep breath, avoiding eye contact.
“I do understand, Joyce. I didn’t think things through.”
“Thank you,” she says, still smiling. “It’s my time to leave.”
