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Already, she was walking away. It was a fight not to run.
She wasn’t ready for this, but she was. She wanted it, but she didn’t. Her emotions were being tugged every which way, every part of her yanked to its limits.
This was the second guy she’d kissed tonight. And the second time she’d bolted. Doubt, fear, desire, surprise all swirled inside her like multiple colors on a palette, turning into something murky and gray that urged her to flee.
She snuck one glance at him as she rushed for the street corner, where she could mercifully put this whole night behind her. Logan was on his feet, too, his blue eyes clinging to her, those hands that had, moments ago, cradled her face, hanging uselessly at his sides.
Then she was around the bend and he was gone, and though partof her yearned to go back, she was too tired. She’d been through an emotional triathlon tonight, and despite how fast she was running, she was coming in last.
The light was on in Becca’s office when Everly reached the house. She turned from the garage and rushed inside. She had to get her frantic thoughts out of her head so she could sort through them.
She spotted Becca through the open office doorway, sitting at her easel desk. She was coloring in a blue monster, the watercolor pencil in her hand sweeping back and forth to create spikes of cornflower blue fur.
Everly leaned her head against the door and watched for a few minutes. There was something mesmerizing about the way Becca drew. The images poured out of her like magic, spilling across the page as if they’d always been there and she was simply revealing them to the world.
She waited until Becca’s hand stopped to whisper, “Hey.”
Her friend startled, then spun in her seat. Everly must have looked as rough as she felt because Becca’s face creased in concern. “How late is it?”
“A little after midnight.”
Yawning, she stretched her arms over her head and cracked her neck. “God, I’ve been at this for hours.” A sleepy smile settled into her features. “How was Harry’s? Did you have a drink for me?” Everly had invited her along, but Becca was in the middle of an intense deadline.
“Too many.” Everly sagged against the doorframe. Fading adrenaline and too much alcohol hung heavy in her veins, making her sluggish.
“Did you have fun, though? I can’t imagine what Jazzy and Stanton are like when they let loose.”
“I kissed James.” Everly couldn’t hold it back any longer.
Becca coughed in surprise. “What?”
“Then I kissed Logan.”
“Ev, oh my god.”
“I know you’re busy. I just had to tell someone.” Everly pressed her hands to her temples. “This is all turning my poor brain to soup.”
Becca’s pencil snapped against the table as she released it. “I’m never too busy for this. Or for you.”
Everly slid her back down the molding until she was sitting on the floor. Resting her head against the wood, she gazed up at the office’s ceiling fan. “What am I doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“I shouldn’t have kissed either of them.”
“Hey.” An eraser bounced off Everly’s shoulder. “Look at me.” Another one hit her knee. Everly faced her friend before the next one clocked her in the head. “You should be fucking kissing everyone.”
Everly snorted.
“No. I mean it. I hate how, the last few years, you seem to listen to these voices that never would have gotten in your head before. Somewhere you stopped believing in yourself. And I know you’re still convinced I nominated you, even though I didn’t, but I’m glad as hell you are on that show.”
Everly placed the three erasers on her open palm and shuffled them around. “I know you didn’t do it. James admitted tonight that it was him.”
“What?” A fourth eraser whizzed by her. This one seemed more out of shock than to get Everly’s attention.
“He was hoping they’d help me with my confidence so I could find someone who feels the same.” Everly ground her teeth. With every echo of his words in her head, her anger swelled. He should have talked to her. They were supposed to be friends. Friends were honest with each other, even when it was tough.
What a coward. And a real asshole, if he thought it was okay to reject someone on TV because he was too afraid to say something himself.
