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“I was going to head over to the farmer’s market, grab some fruits and veggies.”
“Can I come with you?”
“Of course.” Still, she gives me a funny look as we’re leaving the restaurant. “Are you sure that’s what you want to be doing with your day off?”
That doesn’t matter. She doesn’t get it. I could be anywhere, doing anything, and I’d be perfectly satisfied so long as we were together.
She grabs a couple of canvas totes from the trunk of her car once we’ve parked across from the park, where farmers and vendors have set up their tables. I’ve never really been the type of guy to spend his Saturday morning wandering around like this, but now that we’re strolling up and down the rows, I can appreciate the change of pace. It’s a beautiful day, brilliantly sunny, and the October air is a nice change from the summer’s oppressive heat. It’s still not anything like Seattle is right now, where it’s been cloudy, cool and drizzling for days. “Do you think weather plays a part in how we handle things?”
She looks up from the jar of preserves she was studying. “You mean, like, can bad weather bring us down? Sure. Lots of people go through seasonal depression, for instance. When the nights get longer and there’s less sunshine, or when there’s a string of storms. It can definitely have an impact.”
“I feel a lot better when the sun is on my skin.”
“That’s good.” She screws up her mouth up like she’s thinking something over. “I bet there’s a way to get even more sun.”
“What did you have in mind?”
Once we’re finished shopping and back at her house, she shows me. “It almost feels weird, getting into the pool on my own instead of getting pushed in.” I don’t have a pair of trunks with me, so I settle for swimming in my shorts just in case any of her neighbors feel like taking a peek out their windows. I’m treading water by the time she joins me and lets her robe drop so I can get an eye full of her in a white bikini I would love to pull off with my teeth.Down, boy. I really want to do this right. I want a clear conscience.
It’s enough to splash around for a while, to float on our backs and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. I can breathe here, with her. I see things for what they are — like Soren’s attitude. He is all wrapped up in how new everything is now. How he’s finally getting a taste of everything he wanted — and I guess he wasn’t counting on it. He’s still the same guy I’ve always known. A decent guy at heart, no doubt. I know he still cares for Harlow. That sort of thing doesn’t go away overnight.
And I’m sure we’ll be friends again. It will take time, but we’ll be alright. It’s easy to believe that when I’m here, and I’m happy, and there’s nothing I have to do but enjoy myself. Even if the clock’s ticking the entire time.
12
HARLOW
“Ireally would like you to meet them sometime. My family.”
“Sure. I would love to.” Because right now, floating in the water, nothing seems impossible. Not even the idea of us being able to easily explain our relationship to Ash’s family. Like it would all be so normal, having dinner with his parents and his younger sister the way people do when they’re in a relationship. Like there wouldn’t be anything to hide.
“That wouldn’t work, would it?” There’s a touch of sadness in his voice, but he seems pretty good-natured about it, anyway. “Sometimes I get ahead of myself.”
“I wouldn’t want to lie about who I am to you.”
“I know.” Because, of course, even with Ryder and Soren not in the picture, it’s still not a good idea for us to be together at all.
At least he sounds like he understands and isn’t too bummed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this relaxed and serious, but somehow lighthearted at the same time.
“I’ve missed this,” he announces with a soft sigh.
“Hanging out at the pool?”
“Home. I missed home.” He swims to the side of the pool and folds his arms on the edge, resting his chin on them.
“So you’ve been homesick.”
“Like a kid at summer camp. That’s pretty lame, isn’t it?”
“I was thinking sweet.” I approach slowly, cautiously. I don’t want him to feel like I’m making a big deal about sharing his emotions. He might end up shutting down, and I don’t want that.
He makes a pained face once I’ve reached his side. “Sweet? Why don’t you just cut my balls off while you’re at it?”
“I didn’t know being sweet was such a crime.” I fold my arms on the edge the way he has, kicking my feet up behind me and stirring up the water. He is an enigma, that much is for sure. Underneath the cool, smart-ass attitude is a tender heart. He only wants to protect it, and I understand why. The tender hearted are the easiest to hurt. And the last thing I want to do is hurt him, or anybody. I have to be careful.
“Anyway, I think that’s part of what I’ve been dealing with. But only kids get homesick.”
“That’s not true. Don’t be unfair to yourself. You have a beautiful home here, and friends, and people who care about you. Myself included, obviously.”
