Page 59 of His Queen

I start to cry and shake my head. "I can't, Vlad. I just can't."

My hands tremble as I try to wipe away the tears staining my cheeks. The weight of fear and sadness bears down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. Each sob that escapes my lips feels like a release of pent-up anguish echoing through the room. The memories of what happened still haunt me, replaying vividly in my mind like a never-ending nightmare.

But despite the overwhelming pain, his presence offers a flicker of solace. I can see the genuine concern etched on his face, his eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and determination. It’s as if he understands the depth of my anguish, the unspeakable horrors that I’ve endured. And yet, he persists in his efforts to comfort me.

As he reaches out for me, his movements are strained, a visible wince betraying the pain he’s experiencing. It reminds me that my suffering has affected him too, that he shares in my sorrow. His arms envelop me in a hesitant embrace, and for a moment, I find refuge in his warmth, feeling a fleeting sense of security amidst the chaos within.

But even in this vulnerable moment, I cannot bring myself to divulge the details of what transpired. The weight of the trauma is too heavy, the words too difficult to utter. I can still feel the lingering touch of those men, their invasive hands leaving an indelible mark on my soul. Their menacing voices continue to echo in my head, a constant reminder of the terrifying ordeal I endured.

Fear gnaws at me, consuming my thoughts and leaving me paralyzed. Yet, his gentle urging to eat reminds me of the necessity to take care of myself, even in the face of unimaginable pain. It’s a simple act, one that seems inconsequential compared to the magnitude of my suffering, but I understand his intentions. He wants me to survive, to reclaim normalcy amidst the chaos.

Summoning every ounce of strength, I pull away from his embrace, my tear-stained face still glistening with remnants of anguish. With a determined nod, I acknowledge his request, silently promising to do my best. I wipe away the last traces of tears and attempt to steady my quivering breaths.

In that moment, I realized that while the road to healing may be long and arduous; I am not alone. With his unwavering support, I find the courage to face the unbearable pain, to nourish my body as a minor act of defiance against the darkness that threatens to consume me. And so, I take a step forward, determined to rebuild the shattered pieces of my life, one painful but necessary task at a time.

"Ok, Vlad, I will eat something," I say as I reach over to the tray and eat slowly.

"Thank you, my love." He says, kissing my hand. "I will have someone bring you some more soup after you finish that."

I nod, and once the soup arrives, I quietly sit there, consuming it without uttering a word. His attentive eyes scrutinize me as if trying to understand. I long to tell him what happened, yet the words elude me. I can’t fathom why. After finishing the meal, I raise my gaze and notice the unmistakable expression of worry etched on his face. I shake my head, letting him know there’s no need for concern.

"Thank you for eating. Come here, let me hold you. We will just spend these days together while our bodies heal. We can work on the rest later. I just want to hold you, my love, and never let you go."

I crawl into the bed and lay beside him. He pulls me into his arms and holds me as he gently caresses my head. I cry again while he comforts me with his warmth and love.

"It's ok my love. It will all be okay.”

I snuggle into his arms, clinging to him as if he’s my anchor in a vast sea. The sound of his steady heartbeat soothes my restless mind. Knowing that he’s alive and right here beside me brings me comfort. I attempt to drift off to sleep, but sleep eludes me. Instead, I lie there, fixated on the window, gazing into the calming darkness. Despite my exhaustion, sleep remains elusive. I find solace in the stillness outside. The following days pass by similarly. We simply lie together, relishing in the ability to just exist in each other’s presence. Deep down, I know that there will be consequences when we return, as they risked everything to save me. However, for now, we can savor this moment of tranquility.

I have eaten small meals to keep him from nagging me. I have seen the look of relief on his face when he sees me eating. He tries to move around and does a bit of walking around the room. But his shoulder is in a sling and he hunches over because of the stomach wound, but it's nice to see him moving around even if it is slowly. He can only do so much. I hate I am so useless. I hate he was hurt because of me. But I know that I would have done the same thing if I could have.

After several days, the doctor comes in and takes Vlad's vitals. She looks at him and smiles.

"I am glad to see you moving around a bit." She says. "How are you feeling?"

"Better now that Rose is with me." He says as he looks at me and smiles.

"I am going to discharge you in the morning." She says and then looks at me.

"He needs more time," I say.

She shakes her head. "He is healing well, and I know he needs to get back home. He is well enough to be discharged. I am, however, worried about you. You have not been eating as much as you should. I would like to recommend a good psychiatrist for you."

Vlad turns to look at me, and I shake my head. The weight of the past few weeks presses down on my shoulders, making it harder to stand tall. Dark circles have formed under my eyes, evidence of countless sleepless nights spent worrying and caring for Vlad. My once vibrant energy feels drained, leaving me feeling hollow and fragile.

Vlad’s concerned gaze lingers on me, his eyes reflecting a mix of sympathy and frustration. He knows that my resistance to seeking help is only pushing me further into the depths of despair. I can see the worry etched in the lines of his face, a silent plea for me to reconsider.

But I can’t. The thought of opening up to a stranger, baring my soul, and exposing my vulnerabilities, feels overwhelming. I fear that once I unravel the tangled mess of emotions inside me, I won’t be able to put myself back together. I fear what I might discover about myself, and I fear confronting the pain that I have been suppressing.

“I appreciate your concern, Vlad,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “But I just need some time alone, away from this place. I need to breathe again, to find my way of healing.”

Vlad's expression softens, and he gently reaches out to squeeze my hand. “Rose, I understand that it’s your choice, but please remember that you don’t have to face this alone. There are people who care about you, who want to help you find your way back to yourself.”

A mix of gratitude and guilt fills my heart. I know he’s right, but taking that leap of faith feels like stepping into the unknown. I am not ready to confront the demons within me, to admit that I am not as strong as I appear.

But as I gaze into Vlad’s eyes, filled with love and concern, I realize I can’t keep pushing away those who genuinely care. Perhaps it’s time to let go of my pride, to trust that seeking help doesn’t make me weak, but a warrior fighting her battles differently.

With a hesitant nod, I finally say, “Okay, Vlad. I’ll consider it. For you, and for myself.”

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