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10
Tal
We're lying in Marsh's bed, on our sides, facing each other.
I don't feel good.
I've got this sinking feeling that Marsh's confusion about his feelings for me is a stepping stone on a path that leads to him realizing he doesn't love me back.
But I can't get too far ahead of myself. I don't know that for sure, and in the meantime, he's asked me something so I need to answer.
"I've made a few big discoveries." I prop myself up on my elbow. "The biggest one—well, the second biggest one—is that I don't want to be living such a divided life anymore. I want one home in one place. I've sold my houses in Florida and Palm Springs, rented out my penthouse in London, and I need to do something about my loft in Berlin. I'm ready to stop traveling and settle down at last."
"That's a huge change for you."
"I'm almost fifty-five. I figure I managed to stretch out my jet-setting, partying thirties for long enough."
"Will you keep working?"
I grin. "They'll have to pry my camera out of my cold, dead hands. I'll never not be working, but I'll only do it for fun. I have more than enough money, so I might help out with local events or small businesses that need a hand."
"And you're really going to live on a boat? In Australia?"
"A yacht," I correct. "And yes. I am."
"Why?"
"It seems like a good place to settle down. My best friend Leo is there. It's his marina I'm berthed at. The weather is even better there than in Florida. Plus, it's not Florida."
Marsh chuckles.
"Just between us, I actually don't mind the Sunshine State. It's nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be."
"I won't tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me."
"Thanks. So yeah, big changes are afoot. But Marsh?"
"Yeah."
"I want you to know that I don't expect anything from you. I shared my feelings because I wanted to be honest and transparent with you. If you don't feel the same way, just tell me whenever you're ready, and we'll move past this and continue being friends."
Our eyes meet.
My heart so,sobadly wants to hear him say he loves me back, that he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him, but he just smiles, and says, "Thanks, Tal."
11
Marsh
Tal's been gone a week, and I'm a mess. A big, unwashed, unshaven lug of a mess.
After talking and then falling asleep in my bed, we woke up the next morning and actually had a relatively normal day together. We spent it hanging out and walking around Thickehead before Tal left for the airport.
A cloud definitely hung over us, but it wasn't suffocating. We still talked and acted like everything was fine.
Until he left.
Thesecondhis car pulled out of my driveway, the shock and the confusion that had shrouded me disappeared, replaced by a deep, painful yearning.
