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“It’s just, I don’t think it’s a good idea to—”
“I get it,” I say, cutting him off. “Sorry. You’re right. Totally inappropriate.”
“Cassie, it’s just—”
“I get it, Aiden.” I turn my face toward the window. “Seriously. I was just curious. No big deal.”
He goes quiet again, and I find myself regretting bringing it up, just like I knew I would. The streetlights still pass by outside, and my heart’s still beating too fast, but it holds none of the strange anticipation from a moment ago, just embarrassment and mild disappointment.
You should have just kept your mouth shut.
—
I keep waiting for Aiden to say something more as we drive to the Airbnb, but he never does. I’m starting to think I’ve messed things up—that I’ve created a situation that we will have trouble getting over. It’s clear that I should have just let things lie, that it’s becoming increasingly more likely that Aiden was just being nice and now he has to worry about his nanny reading too much into things. I guess if I were him, I’d feel awkward too.
I lock myself in the bathroom while Aiden tucks Sophie into their room, brushing my teeth aggressively as I recount the day’s events in my head. I try to find where I might have gone wrong in thinking that Aiden might have meant something with everything he said and even everything he didn’t say.
Cassie, you have to know—
God. That one is going to keep me awake.
I spit my toothpaste in the sink before turning off the water, dropping my toothbrush on the counter and gripping the edge to peer back into the mirror. It’s probably ridiculous in the first place, the fact that I had actuallyhopedhe might have meant more; there’s nothing about it that screams good idea, and in the long run—there’s no way it would end well. EvenifAiden were interested. Which he isn’t. Or maybe he is, he just knows that it’s a bad idea. Maybe I’m just tossing that idea into the hat to make myself feel better. I don’t know.
I run my fingers through my hair and blow out a breath,shaking away these no-good thoughts that ultimately won’t get me anywhere. I have to remind myself again and again that it doesn’t matter if Aiden is the person who used to watch me. It doesn’t matter if he’s the person I thought felt something for me, because in the end, he disappeared. And if I keep imagining things that aren’t there, that’s exactly what he’s going to do again.
I quietly shut the door to the bathroom behind me when I’m done, stepping out into the hallway. It’s dark here, only a thin sliver of light coming from the lamp still on in the living area at the end of the hall—and maybe that’s why I don’t see him at first. I run straight into a big, solid mass when I move to head toward my bedroom, the very object of my concern colliding with me in the darkened hallway and throwing me off guard.
Aiden’s hands grab for my shoulders as if by instinct, steadying me. “Cassie?”
It takes my brain a second to catch up to the fact that the person I’ve been obsessively stressing about is now a foot away from me and also touching me.
“Sorry,” I sputter. “I didn’t see you.”
“No, it’s okay. I was just...” He seems to notice then that he’s still holding my shoulders, jerking his hands away quickly. “I was getting a drink.”
I glance down to the other end of the hall, where the bedroom Aiden and Sophie are sharing lies a good ten feet from mine. “Is Sophie asleep?”
“Out like a light.”
“Well, it was a big day.”
He nods. “It was.”
We both just stand there uncomfortably, Aiden rubbing at the back of his neck as I stare down at my feet.
“You had fun today,” he tries. “Right?”
“Of course,” I assure him. “It was a great day.”
“Good, good.”
Cassie, you have to know—
I should just go to sleep. I should go to sleep and forget this day happened, forget everything I know about who Aiden is and what he’s seen—that I should wake up tomorrow and commit to doing my job without any distractions. I can do that, right? I can pretend that Aiden means nothing more to me than being Sophie’s dad. Ican.
But apparently I can’t stop opening my mouth.
“Listen, about earlier—”
